Right, so it's been a really really long time since I wrote here... Well yup you've missed out a lot! I guess. It's the 18th of December and yeah, my internship has ended and so thus my big project. I'm really glad that it's all over now. In fact as you know it, back then I've been wanting for all of these to end. And well it has all now come to an end so yup. Time to rejoice, time to just have fun.
Whatever happened, happened. And I've decided to leave all grudges about these bitter moments. Moreover, all these days have turned into memories. And memories are things that will never return. And thus bad, good bitter sweet memories, all gone and will no longer return. So yes, let's not bear whatever grudges anymore shall we.
Anyway... Today I want to rant! Really unlike of me to rant in my blog. Okay maybe I shouldn't really call it ranting. How about to put it this way - Sharing my views.
As you all know I'm back in my hometown now after this like 7 months of _____. Well I really love to have, a break. A holiday. A period of time where I can just do whatever I want, rest, go somewhere and have fun. Perhaps I'm just being "brainwashed" by the dreamy reality of the delusional views of reality. The "stereotype" events where after school = holidays = fun and yay! Go all out and be crazy.
As I once said, we are all selfish in one way or another. There is no way we can deny that. Like I literally mean, no way. No one is truly, fully, not-selfish. I'm pretty sure at one point of time in your life, there were acts where you are selfish with the second party. Sometimes we're selfish, for our own goodsake. But most of the time I suppose - it's the other way round.
And with the Buddhist teaching of Anatta - or non-self. I always believe that we're truly free, not when we're free from the chains of external things. But we're only free when we're able to free ourselves, from ourselves. Sounds hard to understand? Well basically, we're only free, when we let go of ourselves. When there's no longer I in me. And...
I guess it's rather impossible to do so.
I suppose we are only truly free - when we die. When we let go of everything in this merry-go-round we called life. Once we let go of life, we let go of everything, we let go of us. And I'm sure no one wants to die early just to free yourself right? Not worth it. There are times we have to live and of course only when the time is right, when we reached the end point to life, we'll e able to then "die" and fully free ourselves. No I am not being suicidal here.
I'm always torn between two paths I suppose. The path where I wish people would understand me. And another where I somehow tell myself - no you should understand people. This is where the distinction of stubborn people, nice people, Mr Nice Guy and Mr not-so-nice guy and everything else, appear. The path, where do you walk more on? That's where you stand and you know where you're going. And what kind of people are you.
Everytime I go back, I have a wish. To have a holiday. Well of course I do. I'm having a holiday where I don't have to go to school, to go to work, to do my project. But I guess there's a missing part in which I want to do the things I want to do. Plan out things which I wanna do and ACTUALLY carry them out. I would really love to just spend my days lazying around at home doing nothing, doing what I want to do. Basically doing something I wasn't able to do in the past couple of long long months. As and when I wish. Without walking the "no you should understand others" path. You know.
I realise on the other hand too, that I've been a middleman all of my life. Torn between two parties, but I know I don't want to side any. I guess this is what making me an indecisive guy. And also someone who's not walking on neither paths mentioned above.But well what's worst than choosing the path you want to walk, is to walk the path you don't have any intention of walking on.
Well. I... Still don't know what to do. Couple of years I've been feeling this and somehow I feel I have no one to talk to but you (awww...) so yeah. Thanks for listening! Felt good after this rant. All I can do now is to well, wish that my remaining days here would get brighter and brighter! And I know they will. Because happiness comes from within!
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Decisions and future
Hello all, it's been quite a long time since I wrote here. Been pretty busy with project and work and... Well it's already hard to update my daily blog. Imagine keep on updating this blog. I'll just write here whenever I can and wherever I can. Currently I'm back in my hometown for a short weekend. I'll just be back till Monday. And then yeah, reality will sink in.
Though I wish for this trip back home to be something nice and rejuvenating, where it is a chance for me to relax and rest after 7.5 months of attachment, and also after one hectic week (last week), well perhaps maybe not. The first night I was here, reality strikes me again. Last night I wish I could sleep in peace but somehow before I sleep, thoughts were running wild in my head and I don't know why. Though thankfully, in the end, I managed to fall asleep without notice.
I know I have made the decision back when the year has just started. And I know deep that I will not make any more other decisions. Though when I arrived last night, there might be a huge change that will happen when I grow up. Now I'm afraid of my decision. Though I have made the decision, and my heart seems to be appeased with it. My mind, my future and my thoughts are all in one piece, in one peace.
But whenyou ask me if I'm still afraid of the future,
I'm afraid the answer is still a yes.
Quite funny how I made this decision when the year started. And along the way there are things I wish I can do when I grow up as well. All these plans that I've been telling to my friends, now seems to hand on the edge of a cliff. Not knowing to fall, or to stand in fear, or to get out of the place and stand strong. I must make the best out of this.
Life can be filled with disappointments, and uncertainties. But like every rose has its thorns and every dark cloud have its silver lining, nothing is perfect. Nothing is perfectly beautiful, nor nothing is perfectly ugly. These uncertainties that seem to bother me, they seem to function for another thing. They are just more reasons for me to live my life to the fullest. More.
I'm left with about 5 months before I say goodbye to school. And soon I'll be in my graduation gown. And soon will be at the airport bidding my farewell, to eleven years of life on the island. When the day arrives, I'll look ahead and perhaps fear may be rushing within me. But I definitely know that though the journey may seem long, and seem tough, I'll take it in.
I've made that decision and I will stick with it no matter that the outcome or the changes that might occur along the way. After all it's life. Where change is the only constant.
Now if I can make a wish, I just wish for a great remaining days here back at home. Just let me forget life for a little while. Though only for a few days. But at least yeah, take me away from reality if I may.
Though I wish for this trip back home to be something nice and rejuvenating, where it is a chance for me to relax and rest after 7.5 months of attachment, and also after one hectic week (last week), well perhaps maybe not. The first night I was here, reality strikes me again. Last night I wish I could sleep in peace but somehow before I sleep, thoughts were running wild in my head and I don't know why. Though thankfully, in the end, I managed to fall asleep without notice.
I know I have made the decision back when the year has just started. And I know deep that I will not make any more other decisions. Though when I arrived last night, there might be a huge change that will happen when I grow up. Now I'm afraid of my decision. Though I have made the decision, and my heart seems to be appeased with it. My mind, my future and my thoughts are all in one piece, in one peace.
But whenyou ask me if I'm still afraid of the future,
I'm afraid the answer is still a yes.
Quite funny how I made this decision when the year started. And along the way there are things I wish I can do when I grow up as well. All these plans that I've been telling to my friends, now seems to hand on the edge of a cliff. Not knowing to fall, or to stand in fear, or to get out of the place and stand strong. I must make the best out of this.
Life can be filled with disappointments, and uncertainties. But like every rose has its thorns and every dark cloud have its silver lining, nothing is perfect. Nothing is perfectly beautiful, nor nothing is perfectly ugly. These uncertainties that seem to bother me, they seem to function for another thing. They are just more reasons for me to live my life to the fullest. More.
I'm left with about 5 months before I say goodbye to school. And soon I'll be in my graduation gown. And soon will be at the airport bidding my farewell, to eleven years of life on the island. When the day arrives, I'll look ahead and perhaps fear may be rushing within me. But I definitely know that though the journey may seem long, and seem tough, I'll take it in.
I've made that decision and I will stick with it no matter that the outcome or the changes that might occur along the way. After all it's life. Where change is the only constant.
Now if I can make a wish, I just wish for a great remaining days here back at home. Just let me forget life for a little while. Though only for a few days. But at least yeah, take me away from reality if I may.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Another side
It's been twenty six and a half weeks since my attachment has started. It's a long time, I know. Whenever I told everyone how long I've went through, their mouths would open feeling shocked why does it take a long time to end. And some would ask me, how come my attachment never ends. I would give them a shrug, and tell them don't ask that question to me, I'm sure most of us would want it to end quicker either. Seven months, definitely, too long.
Attachment of course, has taught me many lessons. Not just in the application side. Surprisingly, the life side of it. Quite sad, how we've all (or some of us) come to a point when being stressed is like... Something daily. Feels like we're at the breaking point of this whole thing. Towards the end I suppose, when we feel really horrible about everything. We feel like giving up, we feel to just let go of everything. After all, we're all new to this field. Alone.
Well being in the "working life" for these past 26 weeks have taught me many lessons about life, about work itself. Definitely, as we all know it, the working life is something totally different as compared to school life. Well like all things in life, we learn from the bad experience and move on, we treasure the sweet moments which we hope to bring in smiles in the future. May it be a bitter smile, sweet smile, silly smile. Just a memory that will linger.
The working life has shown me different sides.
Different sides of human you've never seen before. Something maybe you've seen in your school life. Some just don't. I guess after all of these, I've learnt how much, at the end of the day, people won't really care about you, how you feel, who you are, what's going on with you and so on. At the end of the day we're left alone in this world to fight and stay alive. Sure people can help you, but at the end, you'll stand alone in this battlefield.
Different sides of life, you'll never experience in school. The working life is tougher. If you think school is tough, think again.You'll get to experience what is, life. The stress and the pressure you're going to have is totally different, and of course tougher than the pressure you get in school. You learn how to be responsible for others, and just not yourself. And at times learning about this, can be a tough process. Not something you can take overnight. But at the end of the day, you'll learn it.
It's quite funny how when we're in school, we tell ourselves we can't wait to graduate and to start working. We complain how sucky school can be. That being a working adult is so much nicer than being a student. Surely, some side of it yes. And at the same time, some side of it are just not nice at all. So please, treasure your school life. You will definitely miss it when you grow up and you get out of the school life to the working life. I have a few months of school left. I will, and I must treasure it.
I guess happiness is just something difficult to be created. It's not a simple recipe to make. Let alone, the ingredients are hard to find. But we all should know how happiness comes within ourselves and not something else outside of it.
The day you discover that happiness comes from within, is the day you'll shed tears of sadness, as a smile lit up from your face. Yet you don't know whether you cry tears of joy, or smile to put up a brave front. The day you discover that happiness comes from within, will be a day of discovery that life will quite be a journey for you. That life, is a journey worth suffering from.
Attachment of course, has taught me many lessons. Not just in the application side. Surprisingly, the life side of it. Quite sad, how we've all (or some of us) come to a point when being stressed is like... Something daily. Feels like we're at the breaking point of this whole thing. Towards the end I suppose, when we feel really horrible about everything. We feel like giving up, we feel to just let go of everything. After all, we're all new to this field. Alone.
Well being in the "working life" for these past 26 weeks have taught me many lessons about life, about work itself. Definitely, as we all know it, the working life is something totally different as compared to school life. Well like all things in life, we learn from the bad experience and move on, we treasure the sweet moments which we hope to bring in smiles in the future. May it be a bitter smile, sweet smile, silly smile. Just a memory that will linger.
The working life has shown me different sides.
Different sides of human you've never seen before. Something maybe you've seen in your school life. Some just don't. I guess after all of these, I've learnt how much, at the end of the day, people won't really care about you, how you feel, who you are, what's going on with you and so on. At the end of the day we're left alone in this world to fight and stay alive. Sure people can help you, but at the end, you'll stand alone in this battlefield.
Different sides of life, you'll never experience in school. The working life is tougher. If you think school is tough, think again.You'll get to experience what is, life. The stress and the pressure you're going to have is totally different, and of course tougher than the pressure you get in school. You learn how to be responsible for others, and just not yourself. And at times learning about this, can be a tough process. Not something you can take overnight. But at the end of the day, you'll learn it.
It's quite funny how when we're in school, we tell ourselves we can't wait to graduate and to start working. We complain how sucky school can be. That being a working adult is so much nicer than being a student. Surely, some side of it yes. And at the same time, some side of it are just not nice at all. So please, treasure your school life. You will definitely miss it when you grow up and you get out of the school life to the working life. I have a few months of school left. I will, and I must treasure it.
I guess happiness is just something difficult to be created. It's not a simple recipe to make. Let alone, the ingredients are hard to find. But we all should know how happiness comes within ourselves and not something else outside of it.
The day you discover that happiness comes from within, is the day you'll shed tears of sadness, as a smile lit up from your face. Yet you don't know whether you cry tears of joy, or smile to put up a brave front. The day you discover that happiness comes from within, will be a day of discovery that life will quite be a journey for you. That life, is a journey worth suffering from.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Contemplating about life?
Somehow everyday, and... Somehow starting from this year. I begin to love contemplating about life. I would stare at an empty space while my minds run with deep thoughts, thinking of life. Basically everything and anything. Random things turned into deep thoughts, things I see turn into lessons and things I always ponder about. Hence yes. I am thinking about life.
And my friend would always ask me, Contemplating about life?
Well I always do yes. Quite funny how we always think about things, daydreaming and so on. But then at the end of these moments we turn these seemingly random thoughts into something deep which is really lovely in a sense. I guess it's important to think, and think of good thoughts.
Today I was just staring at the blank space. And somehow I remind myself. That everything happens for a reason. Why I was sitting down at the foodcourt, why I was walking to the foodcourt, why we decided to come to this foodcourt, why did I eat that food and so on. Well as I always said, if they don't happen for a reason, they they wouldn't have happened at all. Similarly, whatever has happened in my life so far, they do happen for a reason too.
I believe when things don't go with your flow, they're just blessings in disguise. There must be a reason why things happen that way, and not this way. When something doesn't go according to your plan, take it that something greater will happen. And well yeah. Sometimes, or in fact everytime, it's good to look on the brighter side of things, always. I'm nearly there, I know all of this will come to an end soon. In no time! Whatever it is.
Sometimes I feel sad... Not sure if I have become someone who's less happy or depressed. Every Tuesday I would go home, watch TV and catch the show "Just For Laughs" just to let me have a good laugh though it's only for a good hour. Feels like I need to do something to make myself a good laugh haha. Laughter is the best medicine I suppose.
Oh well, whatever it is, I won't stop contemplating about life. As the saying goes, we need to lose ourselves to find ourselves. So though I might be lost in my own deep thoughts, I know at the end of the sea, I will be able to find another side of me which I never find before. Losing, to find my way back kind of thing. Isn't it cool?
Alright. May the remaining weeks be smooth sailing.
And my friend would always ask me, Contemplating about life?
Well I always do yes. Quite funny how we always think about things, daydreaming and so on. But then at the end of these moments we turn these seemingly random thoughts into something deep which is really lovely in a sense. I guess it's important to think, and think of good thoughts.
Today I was just staring at the blank space. And somehow I remind myself. That everything happens for a reason. Why I was sitting down at the foodcourt, why I was walking to the foodcourt, why we decided to come to this foodcourt, why did I eat that food and so on. Well as I always said, if they don't happen for a reason, they they wouldn't have happened at all. Similarly, whatever has happened in my life so far, they do happen for a reason too.
I believe when things don't go with your flow, they're just blessings in disguise. There must be a reason why things happen that way, and not this way. When something doesn't go according to your plan, take it that something greater will happen. And well yeah. Sometimes, or in fact everytime, it's good to look on the brighter side of things, always. I'm nearly there, I know all of this will come to an end soon. In no time! Whatever it is.
Sometimes I feel sad... Not sure if I have become someone who's less happy or depressed. Every Tuesday I would go home, watch TV and catch the show "Just For Laughs" just to let me have a good laugh though it's only for a good hour. Feels like I need to do something to make myself a good laugh haha. Laughter is the best medicine I suppose.
Oh well, whatever it is, I won't stop contemplating about life. As the saying goes, we need to lose ourselves to find ourselves. So though I might be lost in my own deep thoughts, I know at the end of the sea, I will be able to find another side of me which I never find before. Losing, to find my way back kind of thing. Isn't it cool?
Alright. May the remaining weeks be smooth sailing.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Decisions
In life I'm sure we make lots of decisions. Some we make it cause it involves surviving. Deciding what to eat, what to drink, when to sleep. Simple stuff we all know and well and not really a decision, more of a choice perhaps? But of course there will also be times when we have to make decisions that involve, life. These are the ones that determine our future, our life basically. What determines the outcome of the remaining journey of our life. Before we all reach our final destination.
Slowly, one by one, I've been telling my close friends about my decision. Some are not surprised, thankfully. Some are shocked, and some are sad. Some, normal. Well I guess I've been rooting to make this decision. I used to be confused of where to go. But then at the beginning of this year, I knew I have to make -this- decision. And somehow after making this decision, it makes my life feel better. Not only I don't feel confused anymore, but I feel things are... "straight" now.
You know how you feel when you have a plan.
Of course every decision comes with a price. There's nothing perfect in this world as we know it. In some decisions we get the better out of it. But then you realise that the other party, or any other party will not get the better of it. Well that's life I guess, you can't please anyone, everything. But we can always see things differently I suppose? Of course in this decision I've made, I have appeased different parties and so on. But there'll be others, whom I won't be able to.
Disappointments are one of them I guess. Another man's meat is another's poison. Everyone has different expectations of everyone else. Sometimes we do take their expectations but mostly, we don't. After all... This is our lives and we're the one that steer the wheel, set the sail and walk the path. Do take people's considerations of course, don't just throw them to the drains. But not necessarily that we need to adhere to them. We can take them for guidance, you know?
Today the thing slipped out of my tongue to someone... I'm not close with. On my way home I kept thinking, kept telling myself did I make the wrong choice? But then again, eventually everyone will know it right? In one way or another. So yeah that makes me feel better. Well yes I've decided to just tell my close friends. And I tell different people different things. White lies mostly. Cause I just feel it's not the right time for some people to know yet. So to play safe, I don't tell the truths.
I asked a good friend of mine. Did I make the wrong choice to tell people the truth? Especially to someone who sort of expects something from you? And she told me that I shouldn't feel guilty, nor is that a wrong choice. Her words always ring on my head.
"This is your life. And you only live once. It is important that you want to do what you want to do. They are not living your life, so why do you have to feel guilty for?"
Of course I totally agree with her, and she's totally right. There's however one particular person I really hope won't be disappointed by me. I wouldn't say she's someone close to me. But she's someone whom sort of gave me the chance. Who gave me the light back then. I truly sense she kinda expects a lot. And part of me knows she would feel disappointed with my decision, though I remember her telling me to do what I want. And about people who are sorta like me.
But well. Again, part of me know she will understand too.
Oh well this is life. You can't please everybody, and... You don't own anyone a living here. Your life is lived by you and not by anyone else. Let the words of others be roads that guide you along. But you should always choose the road that your heart chose. For I'm sure it will bring you to the road that you will enjoy walking on. A story you'll enjoy reading and reading again.
One life, live it to the fullest. If you don't, then who else will?
Slowly, one by one, I've been telling my close friends about my decision. Some are not surprised, thankfully. Some are shocked, and some are sad. Some, normal. Well I guess I've been rooting to make this decision. I used to be confused of where to go. But then at the beginning of this year, I knew I have to make -this- decision. And somehow after making this decision, it makes my life feel better. Not only I don't feel confused anymore, but I feel things are... "straight" now.
You know how you feel when you have a plan.
Of course every decision comes with a price. There's nothing perfect in this world as we know it. In some decisions we get the better out of it. But then you realise that the other party, or any other party will not get the better of it. Well that's life I guess, you can't please anyone, everything. But we can always see things differently I suppose? Of course in this decision I've made, I have appeased different parties and so on. But there'll be others, whom I won't be able to.
Disappointments are one of them I guess. Another man's meat is another's poison. Everyone has different expectations of everyone else. Sometimes we do take their expectations but mostly, we don't. After all... This is our lives and we're the one that steer the wheel, set the sail and walk the path. Do take people's considerations of course, don't just throw them to the drains. But not necessarily that we need to adhere to them. We can take them for guidance, you know?
Today the thing slipped out of my tongue to someone... I'm not close with. On my way home I kept thinking, kept telling myself did I make the wrong choice? But then again, eventually everyone will know it right? In one way or another. So yeah that makes me feel better. Well yes I've decided to just tell my close friends. And I tell different people different things. White lies mostly. Cause I just feel it's not the right time for some people to know yet. So to play safe, I don't tell the truths.
I asked a good friend of mine. Did I make the wrong choice to tell people the truth? Especially to someone who sort of expects something from you? And she told me that I shouldn't feel guilty, nor is that a wrong choice. Her words always ring on my head.
"This is your life. And you only live once. It is important that you want to do what you want to do. They are not living your life, so why do you have to feel guilty for?"
Of course I totally agree with her, and she's totally right. There's however one particular person I really hope won't be disappointed by me. I wouldn't say she's someone close to me. But she's someone whom sort of gave me the chance. Who gave me the light back then. I truly sense she kinda expects a lot. And part of me knows she would feel disappointed with my decision, though I remember her telling me to do what I want. And about people who are sorta like me.
But well. Again, part of me know she will understand too.
Oh well this is life. You can't please everybody, and... You don't own anyone a living here. Your life is lived by you and not by anyone else. Let the words of others be roads that guide you along. But you should always choose the road that your heart chose. For I'm sure it will bring you to the road that you will enjoy walking on. A story you'll enjoy reading and reading again.
One life, live it to the fullest. If you don't, then who else will?
Friday, September 14, 2012
Pour your heart out
Hello! It's been such a long time since I'm here huh. Well been busy with work, experiments, and so on. So I couldn't blog here. Quite sad, to realise I didn't even blog in my personal blog as often either. But these days, I feel the longing to blog. I need some time, to just pour my feeling out. Be it through music or just simply writing. The good thing is though, I've been writing on my diary, which is good I guess.
Today is day 257 of the year. Was just talking to my friend of how far we've went through till today when we first started our attachment. Day 107 was the day we began. So... Yes, 150 days! And well I really can't wait for the end of year, where I would spend a good time reading through this diary of mine, looking back at the days. I will laugh, I will smile, I will frown trying to remember the day. But I will definitely have a good time looking back at these days.
2012 has been... Challenging so far. I guess what I can tell myself is that well, 2012 will make me a better person, definitely. So far though the days have been quite challenging, this year made me think a lot. And till now I've made decisions and also through these challenges I grow into a stronger and better person. I just still find it shocking at times, how 7 months of this year are taken for attachment alone. Leaving 5 months (which felt so much shorter than 5) behind for non-attachment days.
And so, why am I talking like as if it's the end of year already? -_-
Anyway I really can't wait for attachment to end. In a sense, I know I need a good break and I'm already planning for one. A couple of places in mind, still waiting for my friend to decide though hehe. But I know one place in mind already :) And I think I will most probably go there haha. Just wanna go somewhere and do nothing. Sounds like a perfect plan to me haha. Chill by the beach, relax and enjoy the sun with music in my ears. Oooh the sound of it already makes me feeling fuzzy.
To me... Well currently I'm just, or I think we all, are living life day by day. As the day goes by we live each and another day. A day passes and we move on to the next. To me, I know the end is there. Freedom is there waiting for me. I know the dates, how much weeks we're left and so on. But somehow, they seem so far, and the days never seem to end.
Freedom now, is like eating food when you're having cold. You can taste the flavour of the food. But you can't smell its aroma. Like that I guess. It's like so near, yet so far kind of sentiment. But well, I live in the Buddhist teaching of contemplation of impermanence. I know that everything, good or bad, will come to an end. That's definitely something that will happen so yeah. Slowly but surely, quickly but surely the end will come. I just have to live everyday to the fullest.
Alrighty. I guess that's all for now. I'll see you again soon :)
Today is day 257 of the year. Was just talking to my friend of how far we've went through till today when we first started our attachment. Day 107 was the day we began. So... Yes, 150 days! And well I really can't wait for the end of year, where I would spend a good time reading through this diary of mine, looking back at the days. I will laugh, I will smile, I will frown trying to remember the day. But I will definitely have a good time looking back at these days.
2012 has been... Challenging so far. I guess what I can tell myself is that well, 2012 will make me a better person, definitely. So far though the days have been quite challenging, this year made me think a lot. And till now I've made decisions and also through these challenges I grow into a stronger and better person. I just still find it shocking at times, how 7 months of this year are taken for attachment alone. Leaving 5 months (which felt so much shorter than 5) behind for non-attachment days.
And so, why am I talking like as if it's the end of year already? -_-
Anyway I really can't wait for attachment to end. In a sense, I know I need a good break and I'm already planning for one. A couple of places in mind, still waiting for my friend to decide though hehe. But I know one place in mind already :) And I think I will most probably go there haha. Just wanna go somewhere and do nothing. Sounds like a perfect plan to me haha. Chill by the beach, relax and enjoy the sun with music in my ears. Oooh the sound of it already makes me feeling fuzzy.
To me... Well currently I'm just, or I think we all, are living life day by day. As the day goes by we live each and another day. A day passes and we move on to the next. To me, I know the end is there. Freedom is there waiting for me. I know the dates, how much weeks we're left and so on. But somehow, they seem so far, and the days never seem to end.
Freedom now, is like eating food when you're having cold. You can taste the flavour of the food. But you can't smell its aroma. Like that I guess. It's like so near, yet so far kind of sentiment. But well, I live in the Buddhist teaching of contemplation of impermanence. I know that everything, good or bad, will come to an end. That's definitely something that will happen so yeah. Slowly but surely, quickly but surely the end will come. I just have to live everyday to the fullest.
Alrighty. I guess that's all for now. I'll see you again soon :)
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Dear life, how's life?
Dear life
How are you doing? I hope you are fine. I guess things are getting a move-on now, and the momentum is once again picking up. I'm no longer lost, no longer feeling confused about everyday but well, I just hope that things will get better and better. Though at times I know you feel tired and that lots of things are happening at the wrong time.
I'm sure you'll get through this. Soon you can take a break. I mean real soon. Like 14 more days or so you'll be on your way to a nice, short but hell of a deserving break. Then it will go back to work and things will get busy and stuff. But well I don't know. Maybe they will get better too.
Four months seem like a very very long time. How ironic that 7 months just went by like that. And it feels like those times we spent back in US 3.5 months ago felt like yesterday. I hope my intuition is right, that somehow it will be over faster. And you know a cancer's intuition is somehow -always- right haha. So well yup just hoping for the best I suppose.
It's pretty sad that I always tell myself to be positive, look on the bright side of things etc. But just feels so difficult to do it. You can be complicated at times, confusing and funny. But that's how you are. Without you being you, my world would just be different you know. Challenges and bumps are here to make me better, to make this world more interesting.
Sigh, alright I'm pretty much tired now. I should head to bed. The night's not young either. It's Thursday tomorrow. Cheers for that!
Yours Sincerely
Me
How are you doing? I hope you are fine. I guess things are getting a move-on now, and the momentum is once again picking up. I'm no longer lost, no longer feeling confused about everyday but well, I just hope that things will get better and better. Though at times I know you feel tired and that lots of things are happening at the wrong time.
I'm sure you'll get through this. Soon you can take a break. I mean real soon. Like 14 more days or so you'll be on your way to a nice, short but hell of a deserving break. Then it will go back to work and things will get busy and stuff. But well I don't know. Maybe they will get better too.
Four months seem like a very very long time. How ironic that 7 months just went by like that. And it feels like those times we spent back in US 3.5 months ago felt like yesterday. I hope my intuition is right, that somehow it will be over faster. And you know a cancer's intuition is somehow -always- right haha. So well yup just hoping for the best I suppose.
It's pretty sad that I always tell myself to be positive, look on the bright side of things etc. But just feels so difficult to do it. You can be complicated at times, confusing and funny. But that's how you are. Without you being you, my world would just be different you know. Challenges and bumps are here to make me better, to make this world more interesting.
Sigh, alright I'm pretty much tired now. I should head to bed. The night's not young either. It's Thursday tomorrow. Cheers for that!
Yours Sincerely
Me
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Simplicity
Today is such an awesome day. Outside my window is the blue skies. So cloudless, just an endless stretch of blue with well patches of thin, fine, translucent clouds. Or precipitates. It's been such a long time since I see it. Somehow the past few weeks have been pretty much cloudy. Today is just different and I'm totally loving the weather right now. Lovely.
I just go back home, and I went for the temple this morning. It's the usual morning service, where we chanted. I went for the Puja as well. Which is totally something new for me. Never did it before, and it's very interesting. Weirdly it's my wish to come to the temple today. For the whole week I've been planning, I've been wanting, wishing and just have the urge to go there. And I've decided to go to the temple every Sunday. I love chanting, It gave me a peace of mind.
I'm not a strong Buddhist that follows a certain tradition or practice. To think of it, the last time I went to that temple was a year plus ago. Pretty long right? But I am a Buddhist and will always be one. I love the simplicity of its teachings and the philosophy behind the stories. After all I feel that Buddhism is a philosophy. And less of a religion. And I guess it's not entirely wrong to believe in the teaching more that the practice. Anyway I do still practice some of them. But that's when I'm back in my hometown with my mum haha. Going to the temple etc.
I just love the simplicity of Buddhism. Yes.
Today was a great day of course. I felt happy somehow today. Perhaps it's the weather. The fact that I fulfilled my wish of going to the temple. And perhaps, just a wave of endorphins rushing. Whatever it is, I'm happy. Happiness is never easy to create for one self. We don't find happiness I feel. We create it for ourselves and for others.
While having lunch today, I came up with something. Related about simplicity and happiness. It's kind of an accidental find. Something... I came across with, inspired by my simple lunch. Just a normal lunch of rice meat and veggies. And sambal not to forget.
Sometimes the reason why we're unhappy is not because we don't get what we want. But more of because we kept on searching for the things that make us happy, when the simple things are around us to make us happy. We kept on searching for perfections. Things that our mind make us believe would make us happy. But in reality, they may not necessarily do so. And in reality, there are other things that could make us happy. Simply. They are around us, but we ignore them. Our minds ignore them. The quest of finding happiness is never easy, equipped with our nature especially. Sometimes all we need to do is to stop searching. Look around us, and find it. Create it.
Wow! Hahaha.
Well yeah, I was just thinking of the lunch that I was eating. It was a simple lunch really. I even ate it at a hawker centre, alone. It may not be a lavished meal. Something expensive (it was rather ex though T_T) or grandeur. But yet it has the ability to make me full, to keep me satisfied and to make me happy. So then I think to myself, why would I want a lavished meal eh?
I just feel... Well I'm sure we all want to be happy in life. But what's life without the down moments? It will just be too perfect for it to be imperfect. And life is imperfect. I mean... If you want to be happy, start with yourself. Because genuine happiness comes within you. What you get from outside are not always genuine all the time.
Like me, getting a new notebook makes me happy. For a while.
Hahaha
I just go back home, and I went for the temple this morning. It's the usual morning service, where we chanted. I went for the Puja as well. Which is totally something new for me. Never did it before, and it's very interesting. Weirdly it's my wish to come to the temple today. For the whole week I've been planning, I've been wanting, wishing and just have the urge to go there. And I've decided to go to the temple every Sunday. I love chanting, It gave me a peace of mind.
I'm not a strong Buddhist that follows a certain tradition or practice. To think of it, the last time I went to that temple was a year plus ago. Pretty long right? But I am a Buddhist and will always be one. I love the simplicity of its teachings and the philosophy behind the stories. After all I feel that Buddhism is a philosophy. And less of a religion. And I guess it's not entirely wrong to believe in the teaching more that the practice. Anyway I do still practice some of them. But that's when I'm back in my hometown with my mum haha. Going to the temple etc.
I just love the simplicity of Buddhism. Yes.
Today was a great day of course. I felt happy somehow today. Perhaps it's the weather. The fact that I fulfilled my wish of going to the temple. And perhaps, just a wave of endorphins rushing. Whatever it is, I'm happy. Happiness is never easy to create for one self. We don't find happiness I feel. We create it for ourselves and for others.
While having lunch today, I came up with something. Related about simplicity and happiness. It's kind of an accidental find. Something... I came across with, inspired by my simple lunch. Just a normal lunch of rice meat and veggies. And sambal not to forget.
Sometimes the reason why we're unhappy is not because we don't get what we want. But more of because we kept on searching for the things that make us happy, when the simple things are around us to make us happy. We kept on searching for perfections. Things that our mind make us believe would make us happy. But in reality, they may not necessarily do so. And in reality, there are other things that could make us happy. Simply. They are around us, but we ignore them. Our minds ignore them. The quest of finding happiness is never easy, equipped with our nature especially. Sometimes all we need to do is to stop searching. Look around us, and find it. Create it.
Wow! Hahaha.
Well yeah, I was just thinking of the lunch that I was eating. It was a simple lunch really. I even ate it at a hawker centre, alone. It may not be a lavished meal. Something expensive (it was rather ex though T_T) or grandeur. But yet it has the ability to make me full, to keep me satisfied and to make me happy. So then I think to myself, why would I want a lavished meal eh?
I just feel... Well I'm sure we all want to be happy in life. But what's life without the down moments? It will just be too perfect for it to be imperfect. And life is imperfect. I mean... If you want to be happy, start with yourself. Because genuine happiness comes within you. What you get from outside are not always genuine all the time.
Like me, getting a new notebook makes me happy. For a while.
Hahaha
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Mr Nice Guy
There are two kinds of people in life I guess. Out of the many. Mr Nice Guy, who is he? No he's not some hunky handsome guy whom everyone loves and would love to be with, would love to be their boyfriends (or girlfriends, Mr Nice Girl maybe). They're just people whom well... Love to be nice to people. They are not direct, they don't just shoot you when they're unhappy with you. They laugh, smile, and when people talk they listen even though they may not be interested with the topic.
Basically they're people who are nice. They don't shoot people directly. Usually just in a quiet manner. And perhaps to put it in a crude term, they still "give a damn" about people. At time they're the one at the loss. But it's their nature. People tend to take advantage of them. But I also realise they are the "unique" ones. Sometimes they have something on them that always surprises me.
Then comes Mr Straightforward I guess. Complete opposite. When they don't like you, they don't like you. enough said. When you feel they're irritated by someone they will show it. When they disagree they will say it in front of your face. When they don't like things they'll say it. So in a complete opposite, they "don't give a damn" about people. This is my life, that's yours. Deal with it and don't bring it into my life. Just... Yeah. Go away and don't "disturb" me.
Of course, both people have their pros and cons.
Mr Nice Guy - Friendly, easy going, cheerful, easy to clique with people. Cons? Well they're deemed "weak" for not having something to stand upon to. Sometimes people label them as "fakes". Oh you're just pretending to be nice to other people. Or you're not showing your true self in front of others. Some may say they are just "keeping their image".
My Straightforward - strong, determined, know where they stand, quick-minded, "not fake". Cons? They have to bear the fact that people may not like them for their attitude and behaviour. Or for their straightforwardness. People may think their cold and unfriendly. And so on and so forth.
And the funny thing is when people call you Mr Nice Guy, you try to say not really. When people say you're straightforward, you'll either agree or just say "not really" as well.
I'm considered as Mr Nice Guy I suppose. But when I don't like things, I will say I don't like things. And no I'm not a hypocrite. I'm not someone who act nice in front of people I don't like, trying to tell them I'm friendly to them when actually, nope. I will, as much as possible, try not to hurt people. That's one thing for sure. I'm not someone who's straightforward and tell people hey I don't like you, or I don't like this and that. I don't like conflict, so I'll try my best to put it in a as diplomatic form as possible. I just don't want to hurt people.
But when I get mad, I get mad.
It's good to be straightforward sometimes. To tell people, to have the courage to say no, to refuse and to tell your own opinion even though people may not agree with it. It's a sign you have your own view. And you have the courage to stand up for your own.
But to forsake and to give in to other's feeling? I'm afraid that's not my case.
I think it's important to strike a balance between being those two mentioned above. To both be Mr Nice Guy, and to be Mr Straightforward. I'm sure you can be both at different times. And not be one all the time. Too much of a good thing isn't good, just like having too much of a bad thing.
Sometimes I think to myself, I ask myself. Is it wrong to be someone cheerful, easy going, likes to talk, and just being friendly I suppose. And I ask myself too, is it wrong to be too-to yourself? To just don't really care about others. At times I feel I don't deserve this, then whenever I think of that, I'll tell myself how selfish I am as a person. Others have the right to act and to be who they want to be.
I'm confused by life. So lets just enjoy its bittersweet moments I suppose.
Basically they're people who are nice. They don't shoot people directly. Usually just in a quiet manner. And perhaps to put it in a crude term, they still "give a damn" about people. At time they're the one at the loss. But it's their nature. People tend to take advantage of them. But I also realise they are the "unique" ones. Sometimes they have something on them that always surprises me.
Then comes Mr Straightforward I guess. Complete opposite. When they don't like you, they don't like you. enough said. When you feel they're irritated by someone they will show it. When they disagree they will say it in front of your face. When they don't like things they'll say it. So in a complete opposite, they "don't give a damn" about people. This is my life, that's yours. Deal with it and don't bring it into my life. Just... Yeah. Go away and don't "disturb" me.
Of course, both people have their pros and cons.
Mr Nice Guy - Friendly, easy going, cheerful, easy to clique with people. Cons? Well they're deemed "weak" for not having something to stand upon to. Sometimes people label them as "fakes". Oh you're just pretending to be nice to other people. Or you're not showing your true self in front of others. Some may say they are just "keeping their image".
My Straightforward - strong, determined, know where they stand, quick-minded, "not fake". Cons? They have to bear the fact that people may not like them for their attitude and behaviour. Or for their straightforwardness. People may think their cold and unfriendly. And so on and so forth.
And the funny thing is when people call you Mr Nice Guy, you try to say not really. When people say you're straightforward, you'll either agree or just say "not really" as well.
I'm considered as Mr Nice Guy I suppose. But when I don't like things, I will say I don't like things. And no I'm not a hypocrite. I'm not someone who act nice in front of people I don't like, trying to tell them I'm friendly to them when actually, nope. I will, as much as possible, try not to hurt people. That's one thing for sure. I'm not someone who's straightforward and tell people hey I don't like you, or I don't like this and that. I don't like conflict, so I'll try my best to put it in a as diplomatic form as possible. I just don't want to hurt people.
But when I get mad, I get mad.
It's good to be straightforward sometimes. To tell people, to have the courage to say no, to refuse and to tell your own opinion even though people may not agree with it. It's a sign you have your own view. And you have the courage to stand up for your own.
But to forsake and to give in to other's feeling? I'm afraid that's not my case.
I think it's important to strike a balance between being those two mentioned above. To both be Mr Nice Guy, and to be Mr Straightforward. I'm sure you can be both at different times. And not be one all the time. Too much of a good thing isn't good, just like having too much of a bad thing.
Sometimes I think to myself, I ask myself. Is it wrong to be someone cheerful, easy going, likes to talk, and just being friendly I suppose. And I ask myself too, is it wrong to be too-to yourself? To just don't really care about others. At times I feel I don't deserve this, then whenever I think of that, I'll tell myself how selfish I am as a person. Others have the right to act and to be who they want to be.
I'm confused by life. So lets just enjoy its bittersweet moments I suppose.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Only Yesterday
It's Sunday once again and yes I'm having the Sunday blues - to accept the fact that Monday is tomorrow and another week is facing me. Well of course I think everyone will have this in one part of their life, unless they so love their job or their weekend is horrible or... Many other reasons. It's normal I guess. I had a great weekend I suppose. I ran Sundown 10KM Marathon last night and it was awesome. My second marathon and yup it was great :)
Tomorrow will be the start of my 7th week of my attachment. Time flies to realise 6 weeks were already gone. But to know I have 22 more weeks feels like there's a long way to go. It feels like it was only yesterday that I began working. I just hope that time can fly away meaningfully and quickly and productively throughout the next 6.5 months. It feels like a long time but I know time will fly quickly and soon everything will come to an end. An end.
This week was the graduation week for my school, or in fact for polytechnics around Singapore. For the past three years, whenever I saw the graduation ceremony being held in school, I would tell myself the same thing. "I can't wait to graduate". This year marked the third year I'm saying this, and the last year I'm going to say this since it'll be our turn to graduate next year.
It's quite funny how we all would feel and share the same sentiment about graduation. Well I didn't feel that way when I was in secondary school - though I really wished that O Level could be over ASAP back when I was in secondary 4. I share the same sentiment now too. I want my attachment to end as quickly as possible, I want to be done with my FYP as quickly as possible (With good grades of course) but I don't want my polytechnic life to end so soon.
I miss being a student of course. Even now, when I'm "partially" a student, I already miss it. Somehow I can't imagine what will happen when I grow up, after I graduate, when I start to work. I definitely will miss it even more. So that's the reason why I want to live my year 3 to the fullest. Cause when else will I be able to enjoy my poly life when now, I'm going through its final year?
Talking about graduation - yes sure we wish for time to pass by quickly for graduation.
In fact I wrote this both in my blog and diary:
I'm waiting for these days to turn into a memory. Something we can smile and laugh about, yet something rewarding that we can all look back upon to. And the only way to make that memory into something beautiful is to make these days, great days! Live the moment!
And I'm also waiting for the day where I will look back upon this post on my blog/diary and smile like an idiot. Remembering these days once again.
Well yup, I'm still waiting.
But well we humans are very funny people. At times we wish for time to fly more quickly. I want to be done with my attachment, to finish my FYP and to graduate. Then comes the day when I realise how much quickly time has passed me by and then I wish that time could have flown slower. I wish I can do this, do that and so on.
But who are we to wish to control time? All we can do is to just let time flow. And to always remember live the moment and live it without regret. So at the end of the day, when we feel that time is flying too quickly, we know we've lived those moments well, lived those moments without regrets and that we're glad that those days were over meaningfully.
It's pretty difficult to really live your life well. Sometimes here and there bumps would occur in your life and that these things make us feel that living the moment pretty difficult. The future frightens up sometimes, our doubts and negative thoughts haunt us. Whatever may happen, let life flow on its own. Whatever happened, happened. Whatever will happen, will happen. Simple.
Alright I shall end my post here. Here's to an awesome week 7 and for the rest of my attachment! Live the moment!
Tomorrow will be the start of my 7th week of my attachment. Time flies to realise 6 weeks were already gone. But to know I have 22 more weeks feels like there's a long way to go. It feels like it was only yesterday that I began working. I just hope that time can fly away meaningfully and quickly and productively throughout the next 6.5 months. It feels like a long time but I know time will fly quickly and soon everything will come to an end. An end.
This week was the graduation week for my school, or in fact for polytechnics around Singapore. For the past three years, whenever I saw the graduation ceremony being held in school, I would tell myself the same thing. "I can't wait to graduate". This year marked the third year I'm saying this, and the last year I'm going to say this since it'll be our turn to graduate next year.
It's quite funny how we all would feel and share the same sentiment about graduation. Well I didn't feel that way when I was in secondary school - though I really wished that O Level could be over ASAP back when I was in secondary 4. I share the same sentiment now too. I want my attachment to end as quickly as possible, I want to be done with my FYP as quickly as possible (With good grades of course) but I don't want my polytechnic life to end so soon.
I miss being a student of course. Even now, when I'm "partially" a student, I already miss it. Somehow I can't imagine what will happen when I grow up, after I graduate, when I start to work. I definitely will miss it even more. So that's the reason why I want to live my year 3 to the fullest. Cause when else will I be able to enjoy my poly life when now, I'm going through its final year?
Talking about graduation - yes sure we wish for time to pass by quickly for graduation.
In fact I wrote this both in my blog and diary:
I'm waiting for these days to turn into a memory. Something we can smile and laugh about, yet something rewarding that we can all look back upon to. And the only way to make that memory into something beautiful is to make these days, great days! Live the moment!
And I'm also waiting for the day where I will look back upon this post on my blog/diary and smile like an idiot. Remembering these days once again.
Well yup, I'm still waiting.
But well we humans are very funny people. At times we wish for time to fly more quickly. I want to be done with my attachment, to finish my FYP and to graduate. Then comes the day when I realise how much quickly time has passed me by and then I wish that time could have flown slower. I wish I can do this, do that and so on.
But who are we to wish to control time? All we can do is to just let time flow. And to always remember live the moment and live it without regret. So at the end of the day, when we feel that time is flying too quickly, we know we've lived those moments well, lived those moments without regrets and that we're glad that those days were over meaningfully.
It's pretty difficult to really live your life well. Sometimes here and there bumps would occur in your life and that these things make us feel that living the moment pretty difficult. The future frightens up sometimes, our doubts and negative thoughts haunt us. Whatever may happen, let life flow on its own. Whatever happened, happened. Whatever will happen, will happen. Simple.
Alright I shall end my post here. Here's to an awesome week 7 and for the rest of my attachment! Live the moment!
Monday, April 30, 2012
Roads
It's been such a long time since I wrote here. Almost a month and a half ago. Well I've been traveling and been busy, now that my ITP has started. Yes I just returned from the US back in April. Umm I went there from the 19th of March to the 6th of April. It's a long trip and I enjoyed it a lot. As usual, traveling to somewhere new opens up my eyes, my heart and my mind about this world. Which is something I like doing.
And always try to do.
I'm currently having my ITP now. Well yes I am supposed to go to Stanford actually for me internship but there are problems so I am not going in the end. Nevermind, I'm posted in school now. And I believe that things happen for a reason. I've accepted that.
Last week was my 2nd week of my attachment. The first week was horrible. Not in the sense of work and workload etc. But I find the transition of being a student and an internee something very difficult and challenging. But as time goes by and things got busier, I am now handling everything well. Handling - yes I'm still in the process. I hope I can make a smooth transition as quickly as possible. You can say, I'm not ready for work yet.
But come to think of it, it's a great experience, and it will be a great one to have an exposure to this at this time, when we're still studying and before we really step into the real working world. Not everyone have this chance of actually given the opportunity to do what we might do in the future for a given period of time. A try, is still a try. So I'm quite blessed to be given this experience. For 7 months.
In the first week I was feeling really homesick. After all I only returned from my hometown on Sunday and on Monday I went to internship straight ahead. And the difficult transition and so on, it was really tough to manage. And my aunt was here as well for a holiday and meeting up with her (after quite a long time) was really good. And one day before she went back I wish I could take that plane with her. But nope I couldn't.
Well thankfully now I received a piece of good news on Thursday and am looking forward to the start of my project with one of my lecturers. So I know I have something to do and that... I'll get pretty busy.
But what I know is, well. I don't think I want to be a researcher when I grow up.
I really don't mind working in the lab to carry out experiments to help out in a research. But to sit down on a desk to do research. Not my cup of tea apparently. I'm not talking about research only. Basically desk and office jobs. I want to well do something that involves me traveling or walking around or just doing something hands on. But less of sitting down etc.
This is life though. And a much as you own this life of yours, at the end of the day, life will never go on your way, your direction EVERY time. I feel that there's a first time to everything, but not everything has a second time. You can put this saying in two contexts. One in always trying new stuff like weird food, challenges, adventures and so on. Two, in doing something you may not like or you don't like. Well, like a job.
Say you're asked to try fried spider. You can choose to eat it, and not to eat it. If you eat it and you love it, eat it again. If you don't love it then don't have to try it again. But if you don't eat it at all, that may be the last chance for you to try a fried spider. Similar to life. You're given something you don't like. You have two choices of trying it and then see what happens, or don't try it at all.
As the saying goes, experience is your best teacher.
So now I've just been exposed to this job scope. I tell myself I don't like it. But my supervisors are nice and they tell me to try it. Cause you might not have the chance to do it at all in the future, especially at my age. That's when my mindset changes. Doing something you don't like, may not be something that will turn out horrible. Sometimes we're the victims of our imaginations.
Well of course I'm talking in the context of a job or an activity. Not like doing crimes and so on. That's a totally different story. I'm talking about things that only involve you and your choice. Crimes will involve others (if you think of it) so no. I'm not including that in here.
Well life is a road with many intersections. You can walk a road for 3 years. And then at the end you don't like it, and you choose another one. And you walk on a new road. But in life you can't just simply walk back to the opposite direction to go back exactly where you were at. You'll have to walk on another road, to find the road you once walked, and start the road on another point and not the same point as you started - and even the point where you left that road.
Life's filled with unexpected things. Surprises, changes and challenges. It's a long road. But as I said, it's not just a straight road. Sometimes you feel you'll do whatever you're doing now till you grow up. But that's never the case. Listen to your heart, and see what life offers you. Don't let education dictate who you are, let it support who you want to be and prepares you for the future. Studying engineering doesn't mean you can't be a chef when you grow up.
I guess I'm going to experience this when I grow up. It's normal for people of my age, students especially, to feel lost. We will start questioning ourselves, what will I do when I graduate? I don't know what I'll be doing. I don't think I want to continue doing what I'm doing. And the most common question:
Have I made the wrong choice?
To me, I will never regret a decision that I've made. I feel I only have the right to regret it if my decision is in one way or another affected or changed by other circumstances that is out of my control. For example I told myself that I regret choosing to go for an overseas attachment. Of course, cause at the end of the day I didn't go due to unforeseen circumstances. Which my lecturer and I have no control with.
But things like. Entering my course. No, I will not regret that decision even if I won't be doing this in the future. Because this is what I want to do. What I wanted to be. But we can't blame life for giving another, better route for us as we're growing up can we?
I'm not saying it's positively, rightfully alright to just go to a course and say "Haha it's alright for me to do another thing in the future". It's like similar to wasting your time and money. I'm saying is, if you ended up not doing what you are doing now in the future, don't blame yourself for that. Destiny and fate is there, giving the path to your life that we cannot choose.
Plus I believe things happen for a reason. Remember?
Even when we grow up, things may change and we might be doing what we are not doing now. I know some people, who took law and turn into an entrepreneur. A scientist who turn into a monk. Someone who studied in science and turned into an actress. And so on. Just live by one rule - be whoever you want to be. And do things you enjoy, you love.
We only have one life. After all.
Well, I've made my "decision". So... Well, we shall see.
Most importantly, live life to the fullest. And LIVE THE MOMENT!
And always try to do.
I'm currently having my ITP now. Well yes I am supposed to go to Stanford actually for me internship but there are problems so I am not going in the end. Nevermind, I'm posted in school now. And I believe that things happen for a reason. I've accepted that.
Last week was my 2nd week of my attachment. The first week was horrible. Not in the sense of work and workload etc. But I find the transition of being a student and an internee something very difficult and challenging. But as time goes by and things got busier, I am now handling everything well. Handling - yes I'm still in the process. I hope I can make a smooth transition as quickly as possible. You can say, I'm not ready for work yet.
But come to think of it, it's a great experience, and it will be a great one to have an exposure to this at this time, when we're still studying and before we really step into the real working world. Not everyone have this chance of actually given the opportunity to do what we might do in the future for a given period of time. A try, is still a try. So I'm quite blessed to be given this experience. For 7 months.
In the first week I was feeling really homesick. After all I only returned from my hometown on Sunday and on Monday I went to internship straight ahead. And the difficult transition and so on, it was really tough to manage. And my aunt was here as well for a holiday and meeting up with her (after quite a long time) was really good. And one day before she went back I wish I could take that plane with her. But nope I couldn't.
Well thankfully now I received a piece of good news on Thursday and am looking forward to the start of my project with one of my lecturers. So I know I have something to do and that... I'll get pretty busy.
But what I know is, well. I don't think I want to be a researcher when I grow up.
I really don't mind working in the lab to carry out experiments to help out in a research. But to sit down on a desk to do research. Not my cup of tea apparently. I'm not talking about research only. Basically desk and office jobs. I want to well do something that involves me traveling or walking around or just doing something hands on. But less of sitting down etc.
This is life though. And a much as you own this life of yours, at the end of the day, life will never go on your way, your direction EVERY time. I feel that there's a first time to everything, but not everything has a second time. You can put this saying in two contexts. One in always trying new stuff like weird food, challenges, adventures and so on. Two, in doing something you may not like or you don't like. Well, like a job.
Say you're asked to try fried spider. You can choose to eat it, and not to eat it. If you eat it and you love it, eat it again. If you don't love it then don't have to try it again. But if you don't eat it at all, that may be the last chance for you to try a fried spider. Similar to life. You're given something you don't like. You have two choices of trying it and then see what happens, or don't try it at all.
As the saying goes, experience is your best teacher.
So now I've just been exposed to this job scope. I tell myself I don't like it. But my supervisors are nice and they tell me to try it. Cause you might not have the chance to do it at all in the future, especially at my age. That's when my mindset changes. Doing something you don't like, may not be something that will turn out horrible. Sometimes we're the victims of our imaginations.
Well of course I'm talking in the context of a job or an activity. Not like doing crimes and so on. That's a totally different story. I'm talking about things that only involve you and your choice. Crimes will involve others (if you think of it) so no. I'm not including that in here.
Well life is a road with many intersections. You can walk a road for 3 years. And then at the end you don't like it, and you choose another one. And you walk on a new road. But in life you can't just simply walk back to the opposite direction to go back exactly where you were at. You'll have to walk on another road, to find the road you once walked, and start the road on another point and not the same point as you started - and even the point where you left that road.
Life's filled with unexpected things. Surprises, changes and challenges. It's a long road. But as I said, it's not just a straight road. Sometimes you feel you'll do whatever you're doing now till you grow up. But that's never the case. Listen to your heart, and see what life offers you. Don't let education dictate who you are, let it support who you want to be and prepares you for the future. Studying engineering doesn't mean you can't be a chef when you grow up.
I guess I'm going to experience this when I grow up. It's normal for people of my age, students especially, to feel lost. We will start questioning ourselves, what will I do when I graduate? I don't know what I'll be doing. I don't think I want to continue doing what I'm doing. And the most common question:
Have I made the wrong choice?
To me, I will never regret a decision that I've made. I feel I only have the right to regret it if my decision is in one way or another affected or changed by other circumstances that is out of my control. For example I told myself that I regret choosing to go for an overseas attachment. Of course, cause at the end of the day I didn't go due to unforeseen circumstances. Which my lecturer and I have no control with.
But things like. Entering my course. No, I will not regret that decision even if I won't be doing this in the future. Because this is what I want to do. What I wanted to be. But we can't blame life for giving another, better route for us as we're growing up can we?
I'm not saying it's positively, rightfully alright to just go to a course and say "Haha it's alright for me to do another thing in the future". It's like similar to wasting your time and money. I'm saying is, if you ended up not doing what you are doing now in the future, don't blame yourself for that. Destiny and fate is there, giving the path to your life that we cannot choose.
Plus I believe things happen for a reason. Remember?
Even when we grow up, things may change and we might be doing what we are not doing now. I know some people, who took law and turn into an entrepreneur. A scientist who turn into a monk. Someone who studied in science and turned into an actress. And so on. Just live by one rule - be whoever you want to be. And do things you enjoy, you love.
We only have one life. After all.
Well, I've made my "decision". So... Well, we shall see.
Most importantly, live life to the fullest. And LIVE THE MOMENT!
Friday, March 9, 2012
Age
I guess there are different stages in life when we come to a realisation of the word - age. Most of the times we tend to forget it. Or we don't realise it. Just now comes to a realisation about this word.
I guess one is when we realise we're children no more. In a way we realise we're not interested in cartoons, toys and playing outside in the playground or something like that. When we got caught up with life and work. With studies, with something we used to find boring but then at the end of the day it interests us. The fact that we tell ourselves when we're no longer a child. Or when we find someone else "acting like a child". But of course, truly, the child in us never leaves. In a way it just stays on the inside partly but then it disappears on the outside. That's when we realised we've grown up.
Perhaps next when you realised you're in your graduation gown. And you're preparing to take that certificate on the stage and maybe hopefully giving out that speech that you wish can inspire everyone. You take photo with your friends and lecturers. And then you realised how far you've come to get this.
Then the next would be when you realise you're an uncle or aunty. When in one way or another a member of your relative has given birth to a child who would call you an aunty or uncle. Or when you realise that one of your relative is getting married. Your friend is getting married. Then having a child. And you realised you're no longer that small you who calls people uncles and aunty. Now you're being called one.
Then comes the first day of your work. The day where you're dressed nicely, your heart beating fast and you look forward to starting the next phase of your life. To start living as an adult, earning some hard cash and perhaps enjoying it. You know the journey will be a tough one but yet you want to do it and you're determined and hopeful to get a good outcome. And your parents wish the best for you.
Parents? Well yes. Next you realised that your parents are growing old. You realise the white hairs growing on their head. They way they speak. Their facial features change and they're no longer the same old parents who will come and talk to you like a small boy. They start to be a bit grumpy. Perhaps repeating some things they've once said again and again. First you don't understand. Then you've realised you've come to this stage. You know you're growing old too.
Being the youngest of 4 and 20 this year. I'm now starting to experience the above paragraph. I haven't finished my education, let alone, working. I'm coming to this stage.
Age, is such a funny thing
I guess one is when we realise we're children no more. In a way we realise we're not interested in cartoons, toys and playing outside in the playground or something like that. When we got caught up with life and work. With studies, with something we used to find boring but then at the end of the day it interests us. The fact that we tell ourselves when we're no longer a child. Or when we find someone else "acting like a child". But of course, truly, the child in us never leaves. In a way it just stays on the inside partly but then it disappears on the outside. That's when we realised we've grown up.
Perhaps next when you realised you're in your graduation gown. And you're preparing to take that certificate on the stage and maybe hopefully giving out that speech that you wish can inspire everyone. You take photo with your friends and lecturers. And then you realised how far you've come to get this.
Then the next would be when you realise you're an uncle or aunty. When in one way or another a member of your relative has given birth to a child who would call you an aunty or uncle. Or when you realise that one of your relative is getting married. Your friend is getting married. Then having a child. And you realised you're no longer that small you who calls people uncles and aunty. Now you're being called one.
Then comes the first day of your work. The day where you're dressed nicely, your heart beating fast and you look forward to starting the next phase of your life. To start living as an adult, earning some hard cash and perhaps enjoying it. You know the journey will be a tough one but yet you want to do it and you're determined and hopeful to get a good outcome. And your parents wish the best for you.
Parents? Well yes. Next you realised that your parents are growing old. You realise the white hairs growing on their head. They way they speak. Their facial features change and they're no longer the same old parents who will come and talk to you like a small boy. They start to be a bit grumpy. Perhaps repeating some things they've once said again and again. First you don't understand. Then you've realised you've come to this stage. You know you're growing old too.
Being the youngest of 4 and 20 this year. I'm now starting to experience the above paragraph. I haven't finished my education, let alone, working. I'm coming to this stage.
Age, is such a funny thing
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Why do we live
A question pops into my head today. Well not really just today but a few times before. I've thought of some answer, I've been thinking about it again and again but well at times, I just can't come into a final conclusion, into that ultimate answer which I thought I have. Well, apparently not. But anyway, here it is.
Why do we live for? What do we live for?
If lets say here you are, given a chance to kill yourself. To commit suicide. Slit your wrist and let you bleed to death. Or a rope in front of you and you can just hang yourself, suffocating you to death. Maybe 100 pills of some drugs and you can just gulp it down with a jug of water. Sounds very scary isn't it. Well it's just a question, I'm asking IF you were given a chance to kill yourself. And you tell yourself no, I'm not going to die now. I'm not going to end my life now. Then ask yourself the question - Why?
If I'm in that place, my answer is simple.
I just feel that I still have a long way to go, and that my life is still moving. My story is still being written, my journey is still on going. If I were to die now, I have wasted my life, I will miss all the good things that may come for me, to me, just that I have not realised it. And of course, I have not seen them. Secondly, I'm grateful that I'm given a life, that I still have a life to live for. While others are dying because of a disease, dying in a war, dying because they -choose not to, but cause of another circumstance- why then, should I stop my life if I'm still given the chance to live a life?
We only have one life, so live it to the fullest. I believe I guess it's just part of the human conscience that we, keep on living. That everyday we just live normally, that we don't suddenly have the thought of ending our life tomorrow or something like that. It's just within us that we continue with what we're doing - to live a life and to simply carry on with the flow of time.
Then you ask, and I ask too, why would people commit suicide?
I guess people commit suicide because well, they're lost in life. People usually (or they do) commit suicide due to some huge problems they're facing. Economical problems, like how they don't have enough money to support their family. Psychological problems, like stress at work, or love problems (this is quite... Absurd actually, in my opinion) or being bullied (this needs to stop). With all these huge scale problems, they feel they have lost their directions in life. Especially when the pressure builds up so much.
When people are faced with problems, they tend to feel the only way out is an "instant end" to everything, that is to die. No more pain, no more stress, no more suffering. At times I do feel the same way too. Like I wish I can "end" my life for a while, and well we only have one life. There's no such thing as not living for a while. But these people, they're so psychologically, emotionally, physically stressed, that their conditions basically "blind" them from the hopes and solutions they have in life.
Remember how much we tend to act irrationally when we're angry or sad - that's because we are so angry and sad that we just feel everything is wrong. People say don't make promises when you're happy - cause when we're happy we tend to forget the negative side that the situation may have. Nothing is perfect in this world, we're happy, doesn't mean we can be happy forever. But also remember, when we're sad, doesn't mean we'll be sad forever! :)
So people who are really in dire situations, need guidance and support from other people. But because of their situations and conditions, sometimes they feel helpless that they feel they can handle the situations by themselves, when actually they can't and never will. I'm a cancer and yes, I gotta admit that I love to keep things to myself all the time. But when it's so unbearable I will just let it out to people. Real good friends, family, siblings, teachers and so on. That's cause I know they might give me the solutions
But people who are in dire suicidal conditions feel that there's no more solution to their problems because these problems are so heavy that they don't see the hope to solve it anymore. Which is pretty sad, because I think most of these people tend to just keep this to themselves. Which is why they ended up carrying on with the suicide :(
So people, next time you're facing lots of problems and you feel there's no way out, I just want to tell you that there is. In life nothing is impossible except for waking the dead and playing with time. And the next time you feel like as if your life is horrible and so on.
Remember that at least you still have a life to be lived for. When there are many others out there in the world, fighting and struggling to live.
And always be grateful, and live life to the fullest! :)
Why do we live for? What do we live for?
If lets say here you are, given a chance to kill yourself. To commit suicide. Slit your wrist and let you bleed to death. Or a rope in front of you and you can just hang yourself, suffocating you to death. Maybe 100 pills of some drugs and you can just gulp it down with a jug of water. Sounds very scary isn't it. Well it's just a question, I'm asking IF you were given a chance to kill yourself. And you tell yourself no, I'm not going to die now. I'm not going to end my life now. Then ask yourself the question - Why?
If I'm in that place, my answer is simple.
I just feel that I still have a long way to go, and that my life is still moving. My story is still being written, my journey is still on going. If I were to die now, I have wasted my life, I will miss all the good things that may come for me, to me, just that I have not realised it. And of course, I have not seen them. Secondly, I'm grateful that I'm given a life, that I still have a life to live for. While others are dying because of a disease, dying in a war, dying because they -choose not to, but cause of another circumstance- why then, should I stop my life if I'm still given the chance to live a life?
We only have one life, so live it to the fullest. I believe I guess it's just part of the human conscience that we, keep on living. That everyday we just live normally, that we don't suddenly have the thought of ending our life tomorrow or something like that. It's just within us that we continue with what we're doing - to live a life and to simply carry on with the flow of time.
Then you ask, and I ask too, why would people commit suicide?
I guess people commit suicide because well, they're lost in life. People usually (or they do) commit suicide due to some huge problems they're facing. Economical problems, like how they don't have enough money to support their family. Psychological problems, like stress at work, or love problems (this is quite... Absurd actually, in my opinion) or being bullied (this needs to stop). With all these huge scale problems, they feel they have lost their directions in life. Especially when the pressure builds up so much.
When people are faced with problems, they tend to feel the only way out is an "instant end" to everything, that is to die. No more pain, no more stress, no more suffering. At times I do feel the same way too. Like I wish I can "end" my life for a while, and well we only have one life. There's no such thing as not living for a while. But these people, they're so psychologically, emotionally, physically stressed, that their conditions basically "blind" them from the hopes and solutions they have in life.
Remember how much we tend to act irrationally when we're angry or sad - that's because we are so angry and sad that we just feel everything is wrong. People say don't make promises when you're happy - cause when we're happy we tend to forget the negative side that the situation may have. Nothing is perfect in this world, we're happy, doesn't mean we can be happy forever. But also remember, when we're sad, doesn't mean we'll be sad forever! :)
So people who are really in dire situations, need guidance and support from other people. But because of their situations and conditions, sometimes they feel helpless that they feel they can handle the situations by themselves, when actually they can't and never will. I'm a cancer and yes, I gotta admit that I love to keep things to myself all the time. But when it's so unbearable I will just let it out to people. Real good friends, family, siblings, teachers and so on. That's cause I know they might give me the solutions
But people who are in dire suicidal conditions feel that there's no more solution to their problems because these problems are so heavy that they don't see the hope to solve it anymore. Which is pretty sad, because I think most of these people tend to just keep this to themselves. Which is why they ended up carrying on with the suicide :(
So people, next time you're facing lots of problems and you feel there's no way out, I just want to tell you that there is. In life nothing is impossible except for waking the dead and playing with time. And the next time you feel like as if your life is horrible and so on.
Remember that at least you still have a life to be lived for. When there are many others out there in the world, fighting and struggling to live.
And always be grateful, and live life to the fullest! :)
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Live the moment
Sometimes it can really be painful and saddening, to think that everyday, every single day, I'll always be reminded of that. Of the fact that one day I have to say my goodbyes. One day I'll leave this chapter of mine and one day I will start a new chapter. A new chapter somehow written for me, and not me who wrote that new chapter. Somehow. It's pretty painful you know.
Waking up every morning, and in some random parts of the day you will think of all these stuff that make you feel really... Acted up inside. I've never wished for the day to come. Never wished for my chapter to end so quickly. I have one more year and well, one more year goes pretty quickly like how my 10 years have gone by. Deep within me I wish to continue. But with all these "things" happening outside of me, I have no choice but to feel really confused about where I'm going, or what lies ahead of me.
I really, sometimes wish that year 3 would never come. Somehow it's the year for me that I wish never exist. Maybe I can just continuously repeat and repeat year 1 and 2. Like as if my poly life will never end. Year 3 signifies the end for us. Where we are going next, can sometime be something challenging and exciting for us. But for me, is something that I don't really wish to look forward.
I've always dreaded the future. I don't know what lies ahead. In some way I know, and sometimes I tell myself that's not what I really want to. To think that we're of two different worlds. To think that what you think of me (to me) feels really offset. And to know that nobody else can understand me like I do. Am I really good at that. Am I who you really think I am?
Somehow everything doesn't match up.
Feels pretty jumbled up all together. Everything. I wish life wouldn't be so complicating. I just wish to live a simple life. Get a simple job. Don't wish to earn so much money. Just enough to keep me alive. Give me a shelter. Give me food. And at least let me do enjoy the things I love doing.
Yeah. A simple life.
But well I always remind myself that I have to live in the present. Anticipate the future, and live the moment. It's not good to simple "forget" the future. Or just not to simply care about it. I think in one way or another the future will come to you. You may like it, you may not. But well. It will come. Just like how time will continuously flow and we have no way to change its course or to stop it.
I have to live the moment. As much as I don't like what's coming right in front of me. I have to enjoy what I'm doing now. What I'm living for today. Why am I working so hard for today. Why am I doing the things I do today. Why am I living today.
I have to live the moment.
Waking up every morning, and in some random parts of the day you will think of all these stuff that make you feel really... Acted up inside. I've never wished for the day to come. Never wished for my chapter to end so quickly. I have one more year and well, one more year goes pretty quickly like how my 10 years have gone by. Deep within me I wish to continue. But with all these "things" happening outside of me, I have no choice but to feel really confused about where I'm going, or what lies ahead of me.
I really, sometimes wish that year 3 would never come. Somehow it's the year for me that I wish never exist. Maybe I can just continuously repeat and repeat year 1 and 2. Like as if my poly life will never end. Year 3 signifies the end for us. Where we are going next, can sometime be something challenging and exciting for us. But for me, is something that I don't really wish to look forward.
I've always dreaded the future. I don't know what lies ahead. In some way I know, and sometimes I tell myself that's not what I really want to. To think that we're of two different worlds. To think that what you think of me (to me) feels really offset. And to know that nobody else can understand me like I do. Am I really good at that. Am I who you really think I am?
Somehow everything doesn't match up.
Feels pretty jumbled up all together. Everything. I wish life wouldn't be so complicating. I just wish to live a simple life. Get a simple job. Don't wish to earn so much money. Just enough to keep me alive. Give me a shelter. Give me food. And at least let me do enjoy the things I love doing.
Yeah. A simple life.
But well I always remind myself that I have to live in the present. Anticipate the future, and live the moment. It's not good to simple "forget" the future. Or just not to simply care about it. I think in one way or another the future will come to you. You may like it, you may not. But well. It will come. Just like how time will continuously flow and we have no way to change its course or to stop it.
I have to live the moment. As much as I don't like what's coming right in front of me. I have to enjoy what I'm doing now. What I'm living for today. Why am I working so hard for today. Why am I doing the things I do today. Why am I living today.
I have to live the moment.
Friday, February 17, 2012
How selfish can we be
It's been such a long time since I wrote here. Sorry for neglecting but this term has been one hell of a ride for me. And it's all ending tomorrow. Year two will end tomorrow. Pretty fast huh. Well yeah this term is really fast. We only have 2 months to a term (than the usual three as we have no exams). It felt like yesterday when poly just started. Well year 2 has been an awesome year for me. With its ups and downs of course.
Part and parcels of life.
I'll be starting my ITP (internship programme) next academic year, which is in April. I've not told you this but well my OITP was cancelled. When I'm supposed to go to Stanford, I'm posted to a local one instead. Of course, I'm disappointed. But at the same time I do believe, too, that things happen for a reason. There must be something that well, makes me got to this route instead and not to overseas.
That happened long time ago, now I'm fine.
And yeah, tomorrow is the last day of year 2. I have 2 papers and I sorta studied for them already. Just need more readings. Nevertheless I still have time tomorrow to study so bring it on! Hehe. I want to end this year beautifully, just like how beautiful it happened.
Well talking about the post. I just have a question in my head. How selfish can you go, will you be and you want to in order to achieve your personal goals and dreams? Will you sacrifice your family for the sake of living your dreams? Let alone, living your life.
It's pretty disheartening to hear it just now. I was happily studying and my mood was just ruined. Have to force myself to study once more.
But sigh, I don't know. I'm lost in life. I just want to live the present happily. The future is not for me to see, but it's for me to dread. If I fear it, I won't move forward.
Yet the thoughts of running away has never left me.
Part and parcels of life.
I'll be starting my ITP (internship programme) next academic year, which is in April. I've not told you this but well my OITP was cancelled. When I'm supposed to go to Stanford, I'm posted to a local one instead. Of course, I'm disappointed. But at the same time I do believe, too, that things happen for a reason. There must be something that well, makes me got to this route instead and not to overseas.
That happened long time ago, now I'm fine.
And yeah, tomorrow is the last day of year 2. I have 2 papers and I sorta studied for them already. Just need more readings. Nevertheless I still have time tomorrow to study so bring it on! Hehe. I want to end this year beautifully, just like how beautiful it happened.
Well talking about the post. I just have a question in my head. How selfish can you go, will you be and you want to in order to achieve your personal goals and dreams? Will you sacrifice your family for the sake of living your dreams? Let alone, living your life.
It's pretty disheartening to hear it just now. I was happily studying and my mood was just ruined. Have to force myself to study once more.
But sigh, I don't know. I'm lost in life. I just want to live the present happily. The future is not for me to see, but it's for me to dread. If I fear it, I won't move forward.
Yet the thoughts of running away has never left me.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
How far we've come
I doubt I have written a post here about my Mt Kinabalu trip back in December. Well yes, it's been a month since I've summited at Low's peak of the mountain. One of the best feelings I have in life. Really good, being above the clouds, and to just see the view that we have. Sadly it was kind of cloudy, unlike the 2nd team who summited the next day where the weather was really really good. But yep. It was really great.
Climbing a mountain wasn't in my agenda at all. Well it is an item in my life's to-do list though, but I have no plans of accomplishing it -that- soon. It was kind of funny, like how everything started. It all began with a small poster and two of my friends were asking me to go. At first I declined, and selections were made etc. But there were some people who left the team cause of personal reasons, so my friend called me if I still wanna go. And I simply said yes.
What made me say yes? Well I guess I've always told myself how short life is, and how I should really live my life to the fullest. And I said yes! Plus the trip to Inner Mongolia back in September tells me how much I should go travelling, in fact AMAP. Cause this world is just such a waste to be left undiscovered. It's such a beauty, if you can travel. Please go do.
And the trainings went, and so on and so forth and we reached Kinabalu and began our trek. The 6 hours up the mountain went quickly, and the summit... Well it felt longer, cause I was having AMS (Acute mountain sickness). Kinda felt horrible. But thank you to the help of my friends, everything just went... Great. It was really tough at first. Felt like the journey to the summit would never end. But when we reach the summit, it was just an awesomely amazing feeling. Like as if all the trainings we did, all the pain all the sweat and everything dissipated into the thin air. Gone, poof.
Almost the same feeling I got when I crossed the finishing line of Standard Chartered Marathon back in December as well. Just... More awesome heh.
I guess in every journey we go, be it somewhere we travel to, somewhere we venture to, somewhere we walk to or so on, always remember to look back and enjoy the view. Look back and tell yourself how far you've come. Ask yourself. Climbing a mountain, reaching a summit, but not looking back is just meaningless. Think back of the journey we've went thus far. I think it's just awesome.
We never know whether we're embarking on a long journey, a great journey, or well simply... A Journey. Lao Tzu said "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step". Every journey has its beginning. We begin with a single step. It may not necessarily begin with a bang, with an inspiration or some great events. Some people embark on a journey to prove themselves wrong, to try something new, to simply just go for it kind of thing. But whatever the case, we all begin a journey.
And I truly believe no journey truly ends. In one way or another it continues. Be it the memories we remember, the lessons we've learnt, the friendship we've made, the experience gained and so many more, these are the things that would continue the journey we've been through. I guess life is the only journey that would truly end. But it may continue, I hope my journey will be continued by other people. Be it from the difference I've made, or the times I've shared.
Life itself is a journey, made up many little journeys. All compiled together as one. I hope to embark in as many journeys as possible. And through these journeys, I hope I can learn, I hope I can gain something from each and every one of it. One by one, I'll strike them off, I'll add them into my life, I'll carry it till the day I die. And well yeah.
But of course, as I grow older, so will my life's to-do list get longer, and so will I run out of time faster. Live life to the fullest! One day we shall all complete our life well and beautifully. An amazing journey we'll see.
Not a dream we always dream of.
Climbing a mountain wasn't in my agenda at all. Well it is an item in my life's to-do list though, but I have no plans of accomplishing it -that- soon. It was kind of funny, like how everything started. It all began with a small poster and two of my friends were asking me to go. At first I declined, and selections were made etc. But there were some people who left the team cause of personal reasons, so my friend called me if I still wanna go. And I simply said yes.
What made me say yes? Well I guess I've always told myself how short life is, and how I should really live my life to the fullest. And I said yes! Plus the trip to Inner Mongolia back in September tells me how much I should go travelling, in fact AMAP. Cause this world is just such a waste to be left undiscovered. It's such a beauty, if you can travel. Please go do.
And the trainings went, and so on and so forth and we reached Kinabalu and began our trek. The 6 hours up the mountain went quickly, and the summit... Well it felt longer, cause I was having AMS (Acute mountain sickness). Kinda felt horrible. But thank you to the help of my friends, everything just went... Great. It was really tough at first. Felt like the journey to the summit would never end. But when we reach the summit, it was just an awesomely amazing feeling. Like as if all the trainings we did, all the pain all the sweat and everything dissipated into the thin air. Gone, poof.
Almost the same feeling I got when I crossed the finishing line of Standard Chartered Marathon back in December as well. Just... More awesome heh.
I guess in every journey we go, be it somewhere we travel to, somewhere we venture to, somewhere we walk to or so on, always remember to look back and enjoy the view. Look back and tell yourself how far you've come. Ask yourself. Climbing a mountain, reaching a summit, but not looking back is just meaningless. Think back of the journey we've went thus far. I think it's just awesome.
We never know whether we're embarking on a long journey, a great journey, or well simply... A Journey. Lao Tzu said "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step". Every journey has its beginning. We begin with a single step. It may not necessarily begin with a bang, with an inspiration or some great events. Some people embark on a journey to prove themselves wrong, to try something new, to simply just go for it kind of thing. But whatever the case, we all begin a journey.
And I truly believe no journey truly ends. In one way or another it continues. Be it the memories we remember, the lessons we've learnt, the friendship we've made, the experience gained and so many more, these are the things that would continue the journey we've been through. I guess life is the only journey that would truly end. But it may continue, I hope my journey will be continued by other people. Be it from the difference I've made, or the times I've shared.
Life itself is a journey, made up many little journeys. All compiled together as one. I hope to embark in as many journeys as possible. And through these journeys, I hope I can learn, I hope I can gain something from each and every one of it. One by one, I'll strike them off, I'll add them into my life, I'll carry it till the day I die. And well yeah.
But of course, as I grow older, so will my life's to-do list get longer, and so will I run out of time faster. Live life to the fullest! One day we shall all complete our life well and beautifully. An amazing journey we'll see.
Not a dream we always dream of.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Happy New Year:)
First of all wishing you a happy new year 2012! May 2011 be a wonderful journey for all of us, a better year than 2011! Even though I honestly feel 2011 has been one epic journey.
Well 2011 has been a wonderful adventure of my life. Did so many things I didn't expect myself to do in my youthful years. Didn't expect myself to do things in LIFE. It was just amazing. Pretty hard to explain how awesome it is in words and stuff. But yup, just one great journey :)
When the sounds of the fireworks blasted through my ears just now, it just felt so awesome. It felt like it's one symbolic moment to bid farewell to one awesome year. Like great things, end greatly.
With a sentimental heart I say farewell to 2011. But at the same time, with an open heart I welcome 2012. A new chapter is waiting to be written. A new adventure waiting to embark. A new journey waiting to begin!
Sigh, 2011 was really good. And I'll make sure 2012 is BETTER! :D
Happy new year again people!
Well 2011 has been a wonderful adventure of my life. Did so many things I didn't expect myself to do in my youthful years. Didn't expect myself to do things in LIFE. It was just amazing. Pretty hard to explain how awesome it is in words and stuff. But yup, just one great journey :)
When the sounds of the fireworks blasted through my ears just now, it just felt so awesome. It felt like it's one symbolic moment to bid farewell to one awesome year. Like great things, end greatly.
With a sentimental heart I say farewell to 2011. But at the same time, with an open heart I welcome 2012. A new chapter is waiting to be written. A new adventure waiting to embark. A new journey waiting to begin!
Sigh, 2011 was really good. And I'll make sure 2012 is BETTER! :D
Happy new year again people!
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