Leaving

Oh well, tomorrow my sister will be leaving for Indonesia, for good. She has finished her studies here and so she's going to return to my hometown to help out both of my parents. Which means, I'll be left alone here, with also the fact that my cousin is leaving as well. And my sis' bf has also returned for good. I'm all alooonnneee!!!

Well I still have my friends, thankfully.

I guess, as I always tell myself, it's good to always look things on the bright side. Despite the fact that I'll be alone, look on the bright side! I'll be more independent, more mature, and I guess, more freedom. So not all bad things are bad, there's always a good side to every bad thing! That's why life is such an imperfect journey.

But what I'm going to hate is the fact that no one is going to eat dinner with me every weekend. No one to eat out with, to shop with, to accompany me to do this and that with. I'm alone I guess. And I doubt it's good to actually ask my friends all the time to go out with me. Not only money will be spent, I'm sure they want to have their own time too.

Honestly speaking, I don't know how life will go on.

At least I'll still be having one more week of school and then it's holiday. And I can meet my sister again back in Indo. But... When I return back to Singapore after the holiday. That's it, I'll be alone from then on. But I guess.. I'll just have to get used to it. It's like my first time studying in Singapore. Not having my parents around. First 3 days were horrible but then I got used to it.

So I guess it's the same for this situation. Give me a week or so and I should feel fine :) It's all in the matter of getting used to the surrounding and the situation.

What I think also, was....

I can't imagine, I can't picture, and I somehow can't accept the fact that 2 years later, I'm leaving too.

But, lets not think of that, lets make the remaining 1.75 years of my poly life beautiful

Criticism

Edwin and I were sitting down in the hall. The professor, looking as stern as a judge was sitting on a chair, scribbling things on a piece of paper. It must be tough for that guy I thought.

Edwin and I are music students in a music conservatory. We were waiting for our critics regarding our compositions. My turn was up next. And this was my first time where my composition is being judged by a professor. Before this, the only people who criticised me would be people in Youtube. Whose critics will be "Nice song :)" or "I think it sounds a bit weird" or more.

"I won't be surprised if you cry after this" Edwin whispered, "He's a tough one"

I swallowed a gulp of saliva as my heartbeat increased out of the sudden, after Edwin told me that. Ridiculous thoughts were running in my mind. From the professor banging his table, throwing my scores in the air, shouting so loudly that the music hall will be filled with anger, punching me, shouting right in front of my face, and more. It's... Plain ridiculous I thought.

The professor then looked at me and signalled me to approach him. Time for doom I suppose. I braved myself up and walked towards him. With my heart racing like a bar of crescendo and 100 bars of accelerandos. I stood in front of him, and he asked me:

"Good news first? Or bad news first?"

"Bad news" I replied, at least the good news will make me feel good.

The professor put down his glasses and gave his back a stretch. He stared at me right into my eyes and folded his hands. Then he sat back up straight, cupping his fingers.

"Honestly speaking, your composition lacks of depths. There's no creativity, it's boring, plain, monotonous, and horrible. You have no sense of maturity in your composition. Anyone can compose a song like that! It's just too plain boring. Put it this way, your composition is so horrible, no orchestra should play it."

He stopped for a while, and then continued

"The good news is, that's all for your bad news"

I was feeling horrible. Never in my life had anyone criticised me in such brutal manner. I felt really horrible. I wanted to break down and cry and just said thank you and walked off. But I pulled myself together. There's something wrong with the way the professor criticised my composition. There's something I have to say to the professor.

"Dear professor, I would like to ask you a few questions. In which manner does my composition lack of depth? How can I improve my compositions so that it will not be boring? How can I improve my creativity? In what way is my composition horrible?" I asked

"There's nothing I can answer to those questions. I'm a professor, I know that your composition is not good enough. In fact, there's no need for answering those questions. Trust me, your composition is just too...."

And I cut the professor, rising my tone a little bit.

"Dear professor, I will not leave this hall until you give me an answer to every question I asked to you just now. I will not. How do you think all these musicians in this school can make great music if this is the way you criticise our compositions?! Yes I know that my song is horrible, but in what freaking way?"

I caught a breath.

"It is as if you're a mathematician who formulates an equation without having the elaboration to work it out. You are not solving the problem at all! I repeat. I WILL NOT leave the concert hall until you give me the answers to my questions"

Edwin walked towards me and put his hands on my shoulder, calming me down. I whispered to him saying that I'm not angry or anything of that sort. I just need an answer.

The professor looked at me, with his mouth opened in a gap. He then asked me

"Adhi, how about, we get a cup of coffee instead?"

Felt so good after writing an essay once more! :)

It is as if you're a mathematician who formulates and equation without having the elaboration to work it out. You are not solving the problem at all

Price tag

I'm supposed to be sleeping. Or... Studying. But ah well, here am I ended up in this blog. So I guess no choice but to continue writing I suppose?

I just want to talk about something. Money.

A friend of mine randomly asked me a few days ago.

"Hey you're rich right?"

And honestly speaking, I'm stunned by it. Not because it's reverse psychology, and I don't know how to answer it, and I got shocked. But just because... I don't know how to answer the question. And honestly speaking, it's a pretty weird and uncertain question to be asked, yet alone, answered. But oh well, what if, there are two scenarios.

If I'm actually poor:

Nope, I'm not rich... I came from a poor family.

If I'm actually middle-income:

Nope I'm not. I come from a middle income family!

If I'm actually rich:

I'm not rich. Even if I am rich, I don't want to feel rich, and I don't want to be rich.

I once came up with the quote. To be rich, without feeling rich. And to be poor without feeling poor. That's one of life's greatest bliss. And I think it's pretty true. I just want to live a simple life. A normal life where it's all balanced. As a matter of fact, I would rather dine in simple and homy restaurants rather than those high class restaurant. I would buy simple clothings rather than branded ones. I would just rather live a simple life.

So to actually ask me such questions, I'm a bit shocked. Cause I simply don't know how to answer the question. And as you can see, my answer above. It would be pretty weird, and confusing if I were to give that answer. And I'm sure my question will lead to that two words - reverse psychology. And thus, there's no definite answer is there?

But yes, that's my answer. I don't count myself as being rich. I don't want to feel rich. Even if I'm rich, I don't want to indulge myself, lavish myself with money. I don't think it's something right, something worth doing.

Cause at the end of the day, you will leave this earth with the legacy you left on life.

You will not leave your price tag on earth.

Excitement

Right, this post may tell you the "quirky" side of me. But well, I just feel like writing this out. You know, for no reason, I would just get soooo excited about my Mongolian OCIP trip. And the best part is, I haven't even go for the interview yet! Which I really really really wish I can get through it. And oh, yes I wish my friends can get through it as well, cause CIP with friends = great, awesome, unforgettable memories and moment!

Same goes for HfH 2011, which is still in like 2 months time plus. Well alright, I have registered for it, so that sort of gives me some "relief" over my excitement, but I still, at times, feel so excited about it too! Goes the same for last year's HfH as well.

You might find me "weird" in a sense that I am someone who can get so excited about things so easily. I guess I'm just someone who can't contain excitement well. But come to think of it, is just just pure excitement? Like pure joy? Or is there something behind it?

Let me tell you why I feel so excited.

To me, nothing beats the joy of doing something good. To a friend, to a family member, to a stranger, basically to anyone. I guess that's the reason why I feel so excited about HfH. I'm participating in a charity event. I'm fulfilling my wish. That's what's most important and why I am excited about HfH. Cause I promise myself to shave for the rest of my education here in Singapore.

Next, to make a dream come true. I've always dreamt of visiting Mongolia. And to go for this OCIP trip, it's like killing two birds with one stone. Not only I'm doing something good for the environment, I'm also fulfilling my dream of going to Mongolia. Of travelling there. And also to have fun with my friends of course.

I guess this feeling of happiness is what I mean by genuine happiness. The feeling of knowing that your dreams will come true. Your wish is going to be fulfilled. Something you love is going to happen. These events, are the cause of the excitement. And this joy you're feeling is genuine joy. Just like my HfH last year, I felt so excited about the event.

While queueing, I was still excited. While being shaved, I was more excited. When I touch my hair, I feel really happy and excited. And a few hours after the event, the feeling lingers. And a few hours more, the feeling is gone. That's what I mean by genuine joy. The feeling of happiness lingers for a longer period after the event, then it's gone. But a part of your heart feels accomplished. Feels happy and rejoiced.

That's genuine happiness :)

And gosh I can't wait for those two events to happen seriously! :D

My Little Escape - Episode 5

I'm inspired to write this as I'm going for an interview to go for a OCIP (overseas community involvement programme) trip to Mongolia. After seeing some pictures of Mongolia, I just, really really, want this trip really really much! :)

The wind was blowing softly into my ears, as if telling me a story. The smell of the grasses wafted through the air. It's an indescribable feeling and aroma. It's something pleasant, yet something wild and sweet. The temperature of the surrounding was nice and cooling. Even though it was a cold 10 degree celsius, the black jacket of mine was keeping me warm, in this vast landscape.

The grasses danced in the wind. Moving according to the rhythm of the wind as they sway towards the east. The sound of camels can be heard. Some, were chewing some grasses while the others, just making noises, perhaps bored, as they had been standing still for the past 20 minutes. My guide was beside the camels, starring into the emptiness.

I was on a camel-trekking trip for the past 30 minutes, when I asked my guide to stop. As we stopped, I took out my camera and started snapping pictures. The reason why I wasn't snapping pictures on the ride was because, I just simply want to enjoy the camel-back ride. It was my first time doing that as well. That's why I want to absorb all the experience in.

After feeling satisfied with the pictures, we continued our trip. And after about another 30 minutes of trekking, we came into a ger. It's like a hut, that when you step inside, you'll feel so warm and cosy as compared to the outside. As we arrived at the ger, an old woman stepped outside and gave me a cup of warm tea. It was really soothing, both for my body and my soul.

Two other men came out of the ger, along with a small boy about 7 years of age. They shook my hand, and my guide's hand, as they welcomed me into the ger. As I stepped inside the ger, I was shocked and how much warmer it was inside. And the small-looking ger is actually cosy, comfortable and nice to be in. Some foods were served afterwards for us, and of course, a non-stop flow of tea.

I was astonished in a sense how my guide seemed "foreign" into this family. For I was having the thought that the ger was a "set-up" for me, or other tourists, that my guide has planned for. When I asked my guide, he told me that he had never met this family before. This was his first time meeting them.

And in my heart, I was just feeling so happy, and touched by the family's kindness.

One of the men stepped outside of the ger and shouted "oooh!" as if he had discovered something. He quickly went in again, walked towards me and grabbed my hand. He pointed at my camera and pointed outside. Shortly, he started pulling me towards the entrance, and the rest of the people inside the ger followed.

As I stepped outside, my jaw dropped after seeing the scenery in front of me. It was a sunset. The sky was painted with streaks of purple clouds, and some orange clouds. The sky was blue with a golden hue, and some birds were flying by. Without hesitant, I quickly snapped this scene. So euphoric, that I snapped more than 10 of them.

Then I asked my guide to ask the family to have a photo of them taken. And we took turns taking photos of each other. I was feeling really joyful, for all of them seemed very happy to have their photos taken. And at the same time, feeling amazed by my digital SLR. After the laughter, the woman came with more cups of tea as we all sat on the grass, enjoying the view.

The family started singing some Mongolian song, which I tried my best to sing along with them. Apparently the father of the family was a real good throat-voice singer. It was one of the most beautiful dusk I've ever experienced in my life.

Before we left the ger, I was asking my guide if I were able to get their address so that I can send them their photos once I developed them. But looking around, there was no road signs. It's just a free land. Thankfully, they'll be going to the capital city in a month's time, and live in a relative's house for almost a year.

As I rode my camel again, the old woman asked me to reach out my hand as she gave me a small note. She also gave me a seemigly old post-card with Mongolian words on it.

And on the way back to the camel-farm, our original point, my guide told me what the small note and the post card say.

You're always welcomed here, like in your own home. And,

Welcome to beautiful Mongolia

NOTE:

This story is fictional and nothing in this story is real. The names, the places, the objects, the characters in this story are not real and made up by me. But once again, I hope to make this a reality! Who knows eh

Pictures

I just gave my table a "make over"! Well not a -make over- like those in TV shows, but I just put some pictures on top of my desk. So it's more "lively" and colourful in a sense. Let me show you a picture. And hey, guess what, it's my first time putting a picture here! :D

PS: Pictures are taken by me :)

Here it is! It's a photo frame which holds 9 small pictures. Ugh I printed the photos in wallet sizes. But apparently the photo frame holds photos that are smaller in size! So I have to cut them again. Thankfully they are not majorly-altered. So they still look good in the frames :D

But each picture, actually tells me something. It's sort of a reminder for me.

The 2nd picture on the top, the piano.

This photo reminds me of my passion, my love, and my dream for music. The photo was taken in black and white. But the piano is a black and white instrument, which produces colourful music, that only the ear could see.

The 1st picture on the 2nd row, some feathery plant.

This plant sways gently in the wind. It moves softly, just like as soft as its feather-like feature, in to the rhythm of the wind. If I am having a bad day, I'll just tell myself to let the wind carry the troubles of yesterday. Get on with it, and live positively, as always! :)

The 2nd picture on the 2nd row, my dog.

This photo serves a reminder for me, to smile always. Live everyday to the fullest, and always think positively. This dog of mine is the biggest dog. And he's actually not scary at all. He looks really innocent and cute in this photo. Shows how much an innocent mind can bring such joy to life, like a newborn baby. But ultimately, smile always :)

The 3rd picture on the 2nd row, my other dog facing a green field.

This photo reminds me to always live curiously. To never stop wandering the beauty of life, and never give up to find that answer to the question of life. And with the fact that I'm a research student, being curious is sort of a must thing to do :)

The 2nd picture on the bottom row, reflection of a puddle of water.

Reflection. Just like a mirror, it's a reminder for me to always look at the man in the mirror (aka me). To not criticise others, before you look at yourself into the mirror. And as the Michael Jackson's song says: "I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways. If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself to make that change" :D

The 3rd picture on top row, 1st and 3rd picture of 3rd row, sunsets.

These pictures tell me two things. One, how beautiful life can be. Life is so beautiful, it's such a waste if we don't spend our lifetime discovering these beauties. Secondly, these pictures tell how much I love sunsets. I love sunsets, for it's a beautiful scene that ends the day, and tells me another one is starting. It's a reminder for me, to keep smiling for tomorrow :)

The first picture on the first row is just something random heh :P

Amazing how these 9 pictures can tell me so many things. How they remind me of so many things either. This is why I love photography. It's an act where one freezes time, a moment. And to this moment, it can relate to so many things. From memories, to favourite things. From happiness, to sadness. And of course, from reminders of life, to lessons.

:)