Ask yourself. What you wanna be?

Today I've learnt a painful lesson. A lesson which I hated, but a lesson which I treasured. Sometimes life is unfair. Wait, life is NEVER fair. Why would it be fair?

I learnt that in poly, we cannot simply rely on the things we do now. Our actions depend on the future. And today I've learnt how painful it is.

My lecturer asked me. Ask yourself, what you want to be in the future? If you are really interested here, then you should go. If you're not, then you shouldn't waste your time.

I've always loved it, to me learning new things are pretty much a joy. Life is too short to be wasted in things we don't do, and things we don't get the chance to do. I want to be a phlebotomist. I don't mind. I don't mind learning phlebotomy, but will I be able to use it in the future?

Of course the answer would lie more in the "no" side. Of course. I just hated the fact that one day in the future, what I have learnt, what I have spent my time, my blood, swear and tears would gone to a waste. I fear that it would happen. But I keep on telling myself to always look on the bright side. As much as I will lose these work I spent, there is always another good side, of life, that I believe would appear.

Am I being a fool for telling me something that might not even happen?

I hate the fact that I may not do the things I love to do in the future. I hate the fact that all my years of hardwork will go into the drain. I hate the fact that I may not be who I was in the future. I hate, thinking about the future.

I always tell myself, don't worry about the future, forget the past and let it be a memory, and let the present be the battery that keeps you going forward. But as I told myself once more, that I somehow couldn't get out of my future. It's there.

It's inevitable? That is a question that no one can answer, no one.

In life, I have so many questions left unanswered, that I sometimes think no one would ever be able to answer them. Including myself.

So before you make decisions, ask yourself. What you wanna be? And think deeply, whether that will suit you, and how it may affect the future or not.

As the song Defying Gravity says - I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game. But the song also says - Some things I cannot change, but till I try, I'll never know.

I will never know.