It's Sunday once again and yes I'm having the Sunday blues - to accept the fact that Monday is tomorrow and another week is facing me. Well of course I think everyone will have this in one part of their life, unless they so love their job or their weekend is horrible or... Many other reasons. It's normal I guess. I had a great weekend I suppose. I ran Sundown 10KM Marathon last night and it was awesome. My second marathon and yup it was great :)
Tomorrow will be the start of my 7th week of my attachment. Time flies to realise 6 weeks were already gone. But to know I have 22 more weeks feels like there's a long way to go. It feels like it was only yesterday that I began working. I just hope that time can fly away meaningfully and quickly and productively throughout the next 6.5 months. It feels like a long time but I know time will fly quickly and soon everything will come to an end. An end.
This week was the graduation week for my school, or in fact for polytechnics around Singapore. For the past three years, whenever I saw the graduation ceremony being held in school, I would tell myself the same thing. "I can't wait to graduate". This year marked the third year I'm saying this, and the last year I'm going to say this since it'll be our turn to graduate next year.
It's quite funny how we all would feel and share the same sentiment about graduation. Well I didn't feel that way when I was in secondary school - though I really wished that O Level could be over ASAP back when I was in secondary 4. I share the same sentiment now too. I want my attachment to end as quickly as possible, I want to be done with my FYP as quickly as possible (With good grades of course) but I don't want my polytechnic life to end so soon.
I miss being a student of course. Even now, when I'm "partially" a student, I already miss it. Somehow I can't imagine what will happen when I grow up, after I graduate, when I start to work. I definitely will miss it even more. So that's the reason why I want to live my year 3 to the fullest. Cause when else will I be able to enjoy my poly life when now, I'm going through its final year?
Talking about graduation - yes sure we wish for time to pass by quickly for graduation.
In fact I wrote this both in my blog and diary:
I'm waiting for these days to turn into a memory. Something we can smile and laugh about, yet something rewarding that we can all look back upon to. And the only way to make that memory into something beautiful is to make these days, great days! Live the moment!
And I'm also waiting for the day where I will look back upon this post on my blog/diary and smile like an idiot. Remembering these days once again.
Well yup, I'm still waiting.
But well we humans are very funny people. At times we wish for time to fly more quickly. I want to be done with my attachment, to finish my FYP and to graduate. Then comes the day when I realise how much quickly time has passed me by and then I wish that time could have flown slower. I wish I can do this, do that and so on.
But who are we to wish to control time? All we can do is to just let time flow. And to always remember live the moment and live it without regret. So at the end of the day, when we feel that time is flying too quickly, we know we've lived those moments well, lived those moments without regrets and that we're glad that those days were over meaningfully.
It's pretty difficult to really live your life well. Sometimes here and there bumps would occur in your life and that these things make us feel that living the moment pretty difficult. The future frightens up sometimes, our doubts and negative thoughts haunt us. Whatever may happen, let life flow on its own. Whatever happened, happened. Whatever will happen, will happen. Simple.
Alright I shall end my post here. Here's to an awesome week 7 and for the rest of my attachment! Live the moment!
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Monday, April 30, 2012
Roads
It's been such a long time since I wrote here. Almost a month and a half ago. Well I've been traveling and been busy, now that my ITP has started. Yes I just returned from the US back in April. Umm I went there from the 19th of March to the 6th of April. It's a long trip and I enjoyed it a lot. As usual, traveling to somewhere new opens up my eyes, my heart and my mind about this world. Which is something I like doing.
And always try to do.
I'm currently having my ITP now. Well yes I am supposed to go to Stanford actually for me internship but there are problems so I am not going in the end. Nevermind, I'm posted in school now. And I believe that things happen for a reason. I've accepted that.
Last week was my 2nd week of my attachment. The first week was horrible. Not in the sense of work and workload etc. But I find the transition of being a student and an internee something very difficult and challenging. But as time goes by and things got busier, I am now handling everything well. Handling - yes I'm still in the process. I hope I can make a smooth transition as quickly as possible. You can say, I'm not ready for work yet.
But come to think of it, it's a great experience, and it will be a great one to have an exposure to this at this time, when we're still studying and before we really step into the real working world. Not everyone have this chance of actually given the opportunity to do what we might do in the future for a given period of time. A try, is still a try. So I'm quite blessed to be given this experience. For 7 months.
In the first week I was feeling really homesick. After all I only returned from my hometown on Sunday and on Monday I went to internship straight ahead. And the difficult transition and so on, it was really tough to manage. And my aunt was here as well for a holiday and meeting up with her (after quite a long time) was really good. And one day before she went back I wish I could take that plane with her. But nope I couldn't.
Well thankfully now I received a piece of good news on Thursday and am looking forward to the start of my project with one of my lecturers. So I know I have something to do and that... I'll get pretty busy.
But what I know is, well. I don't think I want to be a researcher when I grow up.
I really don't mind working in the lab to carry out experiments to help out in a research. But to sit down on a desk to do research. Not my cup of tea apparently. I'm not talking about research only. Basically desk and office jobs. I want to well do something that involves me traveling or walking around or just doing something hands on. But less of sitting down etc.
This is life though. And a much as you own this life of yours, at the end of the day, life will never go on your way, your direction EVERY time. I feel that there's a first time to everything, but not everything has a second time. You can put this saying in two contexts. One in always trying new stuff like weird food, challenges, adventures and so on. Two, in doing something you may not like or you don't like. Well, like a job.
Say you're asked to try fried spider. You can choose to eat it, and not to eat it. If you eat it and you love it, eat it again. If you don't love it then don't have to try it again. But if you don't eat it at all, that may be the last chance for you to try a fried spider. Similar to life. You're given something you don't like. You have two choices of trying it and then see what happens, or don't try it at all.
As the saying goes, experience is your best teacher.
So now I've just been exposed to this job scope. I tell myself I don't like it. But my supervisors are nice and they tell me to try it. Cause you might not have the chance to do it at all in the future, especially at my age. That's when my mindset changes. Doing something you don't like, may not be something that will turn out horrible. Sometimes we're the victims of our imaginations.
Well of course I'm talking in the context of a job or an activity. Not like doing crimes and so on. That's a totally different story. I'm talking about things that only involve you and your choice. Crimes will involve others (if you think of it) so no. I'm not including that in here.
Well life is a road with many intersections. You can walk a road for 3 years. And then at the end you don't like it, and you choose another one. And you walk on a new road. But in life you can't just simply walk back to the opposite direction to go back exactly where you were at. You'll have to walk on another road, to find the road you once walked, and start the road on another point and not the same point as you started - and even the point where you left that road.
Life's filled with unexpected things. Surprises, changes and challenges. It's a long road. But as I said, it's not just a straight road. Sometimes you feel you'll do whatever you're doing now till you grow up. But that's never the case. Listen to your heart, and see what life offers you. Don't let education dictate who you are, let it support who you want to be and prepares you for the future. Studying engineering doesn't mean you can't be a chef when you grow up.
I guess I'm going to experience this when I grow up. It's normal for people of my age, students especially, to feel lost. We will start questioning ourselves, what will I do when I graduate? I don't know what I'll be doing. I don't think I want to continue doing what I'm doing. And the most common question:
Have I made the wrong choice?
To me, I will never regret a decision that I've made. I feel I only have the right to regret it if my decision is in one way or another affected or changed by other circumstances that is out of my control. For example I told myself that I regret choosing to go for an overseas attachment. Of course, cause at the end of the day I didn't go due to unforeseen circumstances. Which my lecturer and I have no control with.
But things like. Entering my course. No, I will not regret that decision even if I won't be doing this in the future. Because this is what I want to do. What I wanted to be. But we can't blame life for giving another, better route for us as we're growing up can we?
I'm not saying it's positively, rightfully alright to just go to a course and say "Haha it's alright for me to do another thing in the future". It's like similar to wasting your time and money. I'm saying is, if you ended up not doing what you are doing now in the future, don't blame yourself for that. Destiny and fate is there, giving the path to your life that we cannot choose.
Plus I believe things happen for a reason. Remember?
Even when we grow up, things may change and we might be doing what we are not doing now. I know some people, who took law and turn into an entrepreneur. A scientist who turn into a monk. Someone who studied in science and turned into an actress. And so on. Just live by one rule - be whoever you want to be. And do things you enjoy, you love.
We only have one life. After all.
Well, I've made my "decision". So... Well, we shall see.
Most importantly, live life to the fullest. And LIVE THE MOMENT!
And always try to do.
I'm currently having my ITP now. Well yes I am supposed to go to Stanford actually for me internship but there are problems so I am not going in the end. Nevermind, I'm posted in school now. And I believe that things happen for a reason. I've accepted that.
Last week was my 2nd week of my attachment. The first week was horrible. Not in the sense of work and workload etc. But I find the transition of being a student and an internee something very difficult and challenging. But as time goes by and things got busier, I am now handling everything well. Handling - yes I'm still in the process. I hope I can make a smooth transition as quickly as possible. You can say, I'm not ready for work yet.
But come to think of it, it's a great experience, and it will be a great one to have an exposure to this at this time, when we're still studying and before we really step into the real working world. Not everyone have this chance of actually given the opportunity to do what we might do in the future for a given period of time. A try, is still a try. So I'm quite blessed to be given this experience. For 7 months.
In the first week I was feeling really homesick. After all I only returned from my hometown on Sunday and on Monday I went to internship straight ahead. And the difficult transition and so on, it was really tough to manage. And my aunt was here as well for a holiday and meeting up with her (after quite a long time) was really good. And one day before she went back I wish I could take that plane with her. But nope I couldn't.
Well thankfully now I received a piece of good news on Thursday and am looking forward to the start of my project with one of my lecturers. So I know I have something to do and that... I'll get pretty busy.
But what I know is, well. I don't think I want to be a researcher when I grow up.
I really don't mind working in the lab to carry out experiments to help out in a research. But to sit down on a desk to do research. Not my cup of tea apparently. I'm not talking about research only. Basically desk and office jobs. I want to well do something that involves me traveling or walking around or just doing something hands on. But less of sitting down etc.
This is life though. And a much as you own this life of yours, at the end of the day, life will never go on your way, your direction EVERY time. I feel that there's a first time to everything, but not everything has a second time. You can put this saying in two contexts. One in always trying new stuff like weird food, challenges, adventures and so on. Two, in doing something you may not like or you don't like. Well, like a job.
Say you're asked to try fried spider. You can choose to eat it, and not to eat it. If you eat it and you love it, eat it again. If you don't love it then don't have to try it again. But if you don't eat it at all, that may be the last chance for you to try a fried spider. Similar to life. You're given something you don't like. You have two choices of trying it and then see what happens, or don't try it at all.
As the saying goes, experience is your best teacher.
So now I've just been exposed to this job scope. I tell myself I don't like it. But my supervisors are nice and they tell me to try it. Cause you might not have the chance to do it at all in the future, especially at my age. That's when my mindset changes. Doing something you don't like, may not be something that will turn out horrible. Sometimes we're the victims of our imaginations.
Well of course I'm talking in the context of a job or an activity. Not like doing crimes and so on. That's a totally different story. I'm talking about things that only involve you and your choice. Crimes will involve others (if you think of it) so no. I'm not including that in here.
Well life is a road with many intersections. You can walk a road for 3 years. And then at the end you don't like it, and you choose another one. And you walk on a new road. But in life you can't just simply walk back to the opposite direction to go back exactly where you were at. You'll have to walk on another road, to find the road you once walked, and start the road on another point and not the same point as you started - and even the point where you left that road.
Life's filled with unexpected things. Surprises, changes and challenges. It's a long road. But as I said, it's not just a straight road. Sometimes you feel you'll do whatever you're doing now till you grow up. But that's never the case. Listen to your heart, and see what life offers you. Don't let education dictate who you are, let it support who you want to be and prepares you for the future. Studying engineering doesn't mean you can't be a chef when you grow up.
I guess I'm going to experience this when I grow up. It's normal for people of my age, students especially, to feel lost. We will start questioning ourselves, what will I do when I graduate? I don't know what I'll be doing. I don't think I want to continue doing what I'm doing. And the most common question:
Have I made the wrong choice?
To me, I will never regret a decision that I've made. I feel I only have the right to regret it if my decision is in one way or another affected or changed by other circumstances that is out of my control. For example I told myself that I regret choosing to go for an overseas attachment. Of course, cause at the end of the day I didn't go due to unforeseen circumstances. Which my lecturer and I have no control with.
But things like. Entering my course. No, I will not regret that decision even if I won't be doing this in the future. Because this is what I want to do. What I wanted to be. But we can't blame life for giving another, better route for us as we're growing up can we?
I'm not saying it's positively, rightfully alright to just go to a course and say "Haha it's alright for me to do another thing in the future". It's like similar to wasting your time and money. I'm saying is, if you ended up not doing what you are doing now in the future, don't blame yourself for that. Destiny and fate is there, giving the path to your life that we cannot choose.
Plus I believe things happen for a reason. Remember?
Even when we grow up, things may change and we might be doing what we are not doing now. I know some people, who took law and turn into an entrepreneur. A scientist who turn into a monk. Someone who studied in science and turned into an actress. And so on. Just live by one rule - be whoever you want to be. And do things you enjoy, you love.
We only have one life. After all.
Well, I've made my "decision". So... Well, we shall see.
Most importantly, live life to the fullest. And LIVE THE MOMENT!
Friday, March 9, 2012
Age
I guess there are different stages in life when we come to a realisation of the word - age. Most of the times we tend to forget it. Or we don't realise it. Just now comes to a realisation about this word.
I guess one is when we realise we're children no more. In a way we realise we're not interested in cartoons, toys and playing outside in the playground or something like that. When we got caught up with life and work. With studies, with something we used to find boring but then at the end of the day it interests us. The fact that we tell ourselves when we're no longer a child. Or when we find someone else "acting like a child". But of course, truly, the child in us never leaves. In a way it just stays on the inside partly but then it disappears on the outside. That's when we realised we've grown up.
Perhaps next when you realised you're in your graduation gown. And you're preparing to take that certificate on the stage and maybe hopefully giving out that speech that you wish can inspire everyone. You take photo with your friends and lecturers. And then you realised how far you've come to get this.
Then the next would be when you realise you're an uncle or aunty. When in one way or another a member of your relative has given birth to a child who would call you an aunty or uncle. Or when you realise that one of your relative is getting married. Your friend is getting married. Then having a child. And you realised you're no longer that small you who calls people uncles and aunty. Now you're being called one.
Then comes the first day of your work. The day where you're dressed nicely, your heart beating fast and you look forward to starting the next phase of your life. To start living as an adult, earning some hard cash and perhaps enjoying it. You know the journey will be a tough one but yet you want to do it and you're determined and hopeful to get a good outcome. And your parents wish the best for you.
Parents? Well yes. Next you realised that your parents are growing old. You realise the white hairs growing on their head. They way they speak. Their facial features change and they're no longer the same old parents who will come and talk to you like a small boy. They start to be a bit grumpy. Perhaps repeating some things they've once said again and again. First you don't understand. Then you've realised you've come to this stage. You know you're growing old too.
Being the youngest of 4 and 20 this year. I'm now starting to experience the above paragraph. I haven't finished my education, let alone, working. I'm coming to this stage.
Age, is such a funny thing
I guess one is when we realise we're children no more. In a way we realise we're not interested in cartoons, toys and playing outside in the playground or something like that. When we got caught up with life and work. With studies, with something we used to find boring but then at the end of the day it interests us. The fact that we tell ourselves when we're no longer a child. Or when we find someone else "acting like a child". But of course, truly, the child in us never leaves. In a way it just stays on the inside partly but then it disappears on the outside. That's when we realised we've grown up.
Perhaps next when you realised you're in your graduation gown. And you're preparing to take that certificate on the stage and maybe hopefully giving out that speech that you wish can inspire everyone. You take photo with your friends and lecturers. And then you realised how far you've come to get this.
Then the next would be when you realise you're an uncle or aunty. When in one way or another a member of your relative has given birth to a child who would call you an aunty or uncle. Or when you realise that one of your relative is getting married. Your friend is getting married. Then having a child. And you realised you're no longer that small you who calls people uncles and aunty. Now you're being called one.
Then comes the first day of your work. The day where you're dressed nicely, your heart beating fast and you look forward to starting the next phase of your life. To start living as an adult, earning some hard cash and perhaps enjoying it. You know the journey will be a tough one but yet you want to do it and you're determined and hopeful to get a good outcome. And your parents wish the best for you.
Parents? Well yes. Next you realised that your parents are growing old. You realise the white hairs growing on their head. They way they speak. Their facial features change and they're no longer the same old parents who will come and talk to you like a small boy. They start to be a bit grumpy. Perhaps repeating some things they've once said again and again. First you don't understand. Then you've realised you've come to this stage. You know you're growing old too.
Being the youngest of 4 and 20 this year. I'm now starting to experience the above paragraph. I haven't finished my education, let alone, working. I'm coming to this stage.
Age, is such a funny thing
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Why do we live
A question pops into my head today. Well not really just today but a few times before. I've thought of some answer, I've been thinking about it again and again but well at times, I just can't come into a final conclusion, into that ultimate answer which I thought I have. Well, apparently not. But anyway, here it is.
Why do we live for? What do we live for?
If lets say here you are, given a chance to kill yourself. To commit suicide. Slit your wrist and let you bleed to death. Or a rope in front of you and you can just hang yourself, suffocating you to death. Maybe 100 pills of some drugs and you can just gulp it down with a jug of water. Sounds very scary isn't it. Well it's just a question, I'm asking IF you were given a chance to kill yourself. And you tell yourself no, I'm not going to die now. I'm not going to end my life now. Then ask yourself the question - Why?
If I'm in that place, my answer is simple.
I just feel that I still have a long way to go, and that my life is still moving. My story is still being written, my journey is still on going. If I were to die now, I have wasted my life, I will miss all the good things that may come for me, to me, just that I have not realised it. And of course, I have not seen them. Secondly, I'm grateful that I'm given a life, that I still have a life to live for. While others are dying because of a disease, dying in a war, dying because they -choose not to, but cause of another circumstance- why then, should I stop my life if I'm still given the chance to live a life?
We only have one life, so live it to the fullest. I believe I guess it's just part of the human conscience that we, keep on living. That everyday we just live normally, that we don't suddenly have the thought of ending our life tomorrow or something like that. It's just within us that we continue with what we're doing - to live a life and to simply carry on with the flow of time.
Then you ask, and I ask too, why would people commit suicide?
I guess people commit suicide because well, they're lost in life. People usually (or they do) commit suicide due to some huge problems they're facing. Economical problems, like how they don't have enough money to support their family. Psychological problems, like stress at work, or love problems (this is quite... Absurd actually, in my opinion) or being bullied (this needs to stop). With all these huge scale problems, they feel they have lost their directions in life. Especially when the pressure builds up so much.
When people are faced with problems, they tend to feel the only way out is an "instant end" to everything, that is to die. No more pain, no more stress, no more suffering. At times I do feel the same way too. Like I wish I can "end" my life for a while, and well we only have one life. There's no such thing as not living for a while. But these people, they're so psychologically, emotionally, physically stressed, that their conditions basically "blind" them from the hopes and solutions they have in life.
Remember how much we tend to act irrationally when we're angry or sad - that's because we are so angry and sad that we just feel everything is wrong. People say don't make promises when you're happy - cause when we're happy we tend to forget the negative side that the situation may have. Nothing is perfect in this world, we're happy, doesn't mean we can be happy forever. But also remember, when we're sad, doesn't mean we'll be sad forever! :)
So people who are really in dire situations, need guidance and support from other people. But because of their situations and conditions, sometimes they feel helpless that they feel they can handle the situations by themselves, when actually they can't and never will. I'm a cancer and yes, I gotta admit that I love to keep things to myself all the time. But when it's so unbearable I will just let it out to people. Real good friends, family, siblings, teachers and so on. That's cause I know they might give me the solutions
But people who are in dire suicidal conditions feel that there's no more solution to their problems because these problems are so heavy that they don't see the hope to solve it anymore. Which is pretty sad, because I think most of these people tend to just keep this to themselves. Which is why they ended up carrying on with the suicide :(
So people, next time you're facing lots of problems and you feel there's no way out, I just want to tell you that there is. In life nothing is impossible except for waking the dead and playing with time. And the next time you feel like as if your life is horrible and so on.
Remember that at least you still have a life to be lived for. When there are many others out there in the world, fighting and struggling to live.
And always be grateful, and live life to the fullest! :)
Why do we live for? What do we live for?
If lets say here you are, given a chance to kill yourself. To commit suicide. Slit your wrist and let you bleed to death. Or a rope in front of you and you can just hang yourself, suffocating you to death. Maybe 100 pills of some drugs and you can just gulp it down with a jug of water. Sounds very scary isn't it. Well it's just a question, I'm asking IF you were given a chance to kill yourself. And you tell yourself no, I'm not going to die now. I'm not going to end my life now. Then ask yourself the question - Why?
If I'm in that place, my answer is simple.
I just feel that I still have a long way to go, and that my life is still moving. My story is still being written, my journey is still on going. If I were to die now, I have wasted my life, I will miss all the good things that may come for me, to me, just that I have not realised it. And of course, I have not seen them. Secondly, I'm grateful that I'm given a life, that I still have a life to live for. While others are dying because of a disease, dying in a war, dying because they -choose not to, but cause of another circumstance- why then, should I stop my life if I'm still given the chance to live a life?
We only have one life, so live it to the fullest. I believe I guess it's just part of the human conscience that we, keep on living. That everyday we just live normally, that we don't suddenly have the thought of ending our life tomorrow or something like that. It's just within us that we continue with what we're doing - to live a life and to simply carry on with the flow of time.
Then you ask, and I ask too, why would people commit suicide?
I guess people commit suicide because well, they're lost in life. People usually (or they do) commit suicide due to some huge problems they're facing. Economical problems, like how they don't have enough money to support their family. Psychological problems, like stress at work, or love problems (this is quite... Absurd actually, in my opinion) or being bullied (this needs to stop). With all these huge scale problems, they feel they have lost their directions in life. Especially when the pressure builds up so much.
When people are faced with problems, they tend to feel the only way out is an "instant end" to everything, that is to die. No more pain, no more stress, no more suffering. At times I do feel the same way too. Like I wish I can "end" my life for a while, and well we only have one life. There's no such thing as not living for a while. But these people, they're so psychologically, emotionally, physically stressed, that their conditions basically "blind" them from the hopes and solutions they have in life.
Remember how much we tend to act irrationally when we're angry or sad - that's because we are so angry and sad that we just feel everything is wrong. People say don't make promises when you're happy - cause when we're happy we tend to forget the negative side that the situation may have. Nothing is perfect in this world, we're happy, doesn't mean we can be happy forever. But also remember, when we're sad, doesn't mean we'll be sad forever! :)
So people who are really in dire situations, need guidance and support from other people. But because of their situations and conditions, sometimes they feel helpless that they feel they can handle the situations by themselves, when actually they can't and never will. I'm a cancer and yes, I gotta admit that I love to keep things to myself all the time. But when it's so unbearable I will just let it out to people. Real good friends, family, siblings, teachers and so on. That's cause I know they might give me the solutions
But people who are in dire suicidal conditions feel that there's no more solution to their problems because these problems are so heavy that they don't see the hope to solve it anymore. Which is pretty sad, because I think most of these people tend to just keep this to themselves. Which is why they ended up carrying on with the suicide :(
So people, next time you're facing lots of problems and you feel there's no way out, I just want to tell you that there is. In life nothing is impossible except for waking the dead and playing with time. And the next time you feel like as if your life is horrible and so on.
Remember that at least you still have a life to be lived for. When there are many others out there in the world, fighting and struggling to live.
And always be grateful, and live life to the fullest! :)
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Live the moment
Sometimes it can really be painful and saddening, to think that everyday, every single day, I'll always be reminded of that. Of the fact that one day I have to say my goodbyes. One day I'll leave this chapter of mine and one day I will start a new chapter. A new chapter somehow written for me, and not me who wrote that new chapter. Somehow. It's pretty painful you know.
Waking up every morning, and in some random parts of the day you will think of all these stuff that make you feel really... Acted up inside. I've never wished for the day to come. Never wished for my chapter to end so quickly. I have one more year and well, one more year goes pretty quickly like how my 10 years have gone by. Deep within me I wish to continue. But with all these "things" happening outside of me, I have no choice but to feel really confused about where I'm going, or what lies ahead of me.
I really, sometimes wish that year 3 would never come. Somehow it's the year for me that I wish never exist. Maybe I can just continuously repeat and repeat year 1 and 2. Like as if my poly life will never end. Year 3 signifies the end for us. Where we are going next, can sometime be something challenging and exciting for us. But for me, is something that I don't really wish to look forward.
I've always dreaded the future. I don't know what lies ahead. In some way I know, and sometimes I tell myself that's not what I really want to. To think that we're of two different worlds. To think that what you think of me (to me) feels really offset. And to know that nobody else can understand me like I do. Am I really good at that. Am I who you really think I am?
Somehow everything doesn't match up.
Feels pretty jumbled up all together. Everything. I wish life wouldn't be so complicating. I just wish to live a simple life. Get a simple job. Don't wish to earn so much money. Just enough to keep me alive. Give me a shelter. Give me food. And at least let me do enjoy the things I love doing.
Yeah. A simple life.
But well I always remind myself that I have to live in the present. Anticipate the future, and live the moment. It's not good to simple "forget" the future. Or just not to simply care about it. I think in one way or another the future will come to you. You may like it, you may not. But well. It will come. Just like how time will continuously flow and we have no way to change its course or to stop it.
I have to live the moment. As much as I don't like what's coming right in front of me. I have to enjoy what I'm doing now. What I'm living for today. Why am I working so hard for today. Why am I doing the things I do today. Why am I living today.
I have to live the moment.
Waking up every morning, and in some random parts of the day you will think of all these stuff that make you feel really... Acted up inside. I've never wished for the day to come. Never wished for my chapter to end so quickly. I have one more year and well, one more year goes pretty quickly like how my 10 years have gone by. Deep within me I wish to continue. But with all these "things" happening outside of me, I have no choice but to feel really confused about where I'm going, or what lies ahead of me.
I really, sometimes wish that year 3 would never come. Somehow it's the year for me that I wish never exist. Maybe I can just continuously repeat and repeat year 1 and 2. Like as if my poly life will never end. Year 3 signifies the end for us. Where we are going next, can sometime be something challenging and exciting for us. But for me, is something that I don't really wish to look forward.
I've always dreaded the future. I don't know what lies ahead. In some way I know, and sometimes I tell myself that's not what I really want to. To think that we're of two different worlds. To think that what you think of me (to me) feels really offset. And to know that nobody else can understand me like I do. Am I really good at that. Am I who you really think I am?
Somehow everything doesn't match up.
Feels pretty jumbled up all together. Everything. I wish life wouldn't be so complicating. I just wish to live a simple life. Get a simple job. Don't wish to earn so much money. Just enough to keep me alive. Give me a shelter. Give me food. And at least let me do enjoy the things I love doing.
Yeah. A simple life.
But well I always remind myself that I have to live in the present. Anticipate the future, and live the moment. It's not good to simple "forget" the future. Or just not to simply care about it. I think in one way or another the future will come to you. You may like it, you may not. But well. It will come. Just like how time will continuously flow and we have no way to change its course or to stop it.
I have to live the moment. As much as I don't like what's coming right in front of me. I have to enjoy what I'm doing now. What I'm living for today. Why am I working so hard for today. Why am I doing the things I do today. Why am I living today.
I have to live the moment.
Friday, February 17, 2012
How selfish can we be
It's been such a long time since I wrote here. Sorry for neglecting but this term has been one hell of a ride for me. And it's all ending tomorrow. Year two will end tomorrow. Pretty fast huh. Well yeah this term is really fast. We only have 2 months to a term (than the usual three as we have no exams). It felt like yesterday when poly just started. Well year 2 has been an awesome year for me. With its ups and downs of course.
Part and parcels of life.
I'll be starting my ITP (internship programme) next academic year, which is in April. I've not told you this but well my OITP was cancelled. When I'm supposed to go to Stanford, I'm posted to a local one instead. Of course, I'm disappointed. But at the same time I do believe, too, that things happen for a reason. There must be something that well, makes me got to this route instead and not to overseas.
That happened long time ago, now I'm fine.
And yeah, tomorrow is the last day of year 2. I have 2 papers and I sorta studied for them already. Just need more readings. Nevertheless I still have time tomorrow to study so bring it on! Hehe. I want to end this year beautifully, just like how beautiful it happened.
Well talking about the post. I just have a question in my head. How selfish can you go, will you be and you want to in order to achieve your personal goals and dreams? Will you sacrifice your family for the sake of living your dreams? Let alone, living your life.
It's pretty disheartening to hear it just now. I was happily studying and my mood was just ruined. Have to force myself to study once more.
But sigh, I don't know. I'm lost in life. I just want to live the present happily. The future is not for me to see, but it's for me to dread. If I fear it, I won't move forward.
Yet the thoughts of running away has never left me.
Part and parcels of life.
I'll be starting my ITP (internship programme) next academic year, which is in April. I've not told you this but well my OITP was cancelled. When I'm supposed to go to Stanford, I'm posted to a local one instead. Of course, I'm disappointed. But at the same time I do believe, too, that things happen for a reason. There must be something that well, makes me got to this route instead and not to overseas.
That happened long time ago, now I'm fine.
And yeah, tomorrow is the last day of year 2. I have 2 papers and I sorta studied for them already. Just need more readings. Nevertheless I still have time tomorrow to study so bring it on! Hehe. I want to end this year beautifully, just like how beautiful it happened.
Well talking about the post. I just have a question in my head. How selfish can you go, will you be and you want to in order to achieve your personal goals and dreams? Will you sacrifice your family for the sake of living your dreams? Let alone, living your life.
It's pretty disheartening to hear it just now. I was happily studying and my mood was just ruined. Have to force myself to study once more.
But sigh, I don't know. I'm lost in life. I just want to live the present happily. The future is not for me to see, but it's for me to dread. If I fear it, I won't move forward.
Yet the thoughts of running away has never left me.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
How far we've come
I doubt I have written a post here about my Mt Kinabalu trip back in December. Well yes, it's been a month since I've summited at Low's peak of the mountain. One of the best feelings I have in life. Really good, being above the clouds, and to just see the view that we have. Sadly it was kind of cloudy, unlike the 2nd team who summited the next day where the weather was really really good. But yep. It was really great.
Climbing a mountain wasn't in my agenda at all. Well it is an item in my life's to-do list though, but I have no plans of accomplishing it -that- soon. It was kind of funny, like how everything started. It all began with a small poster and two of my friends were asking me to go. At first I declined, and selections were made etc. But there were some people who left the team cause of personal reasons, so my friend called me if I still wanna go. And I simply said yes.
What made me say yes? Well I guess I've always told myself how short life is, and how I should really live my life to the fullest. And I said yes! Plus the trip to Inner Mongolia back in September tells me how much I should go travelling, in fact AMAP. Cause this world is just such a waste to be left undiscovered. It's such a beauty, if you can travel. Please go do.
And the trainings went, and so on and so forth and we reached Kinabalu and began our trek. The 6 hours up the mountain went quickly, and the summit... Well it felt longer, cause I was having AMS (Acute mountain sickness). Kinda felt horrible. But thank you to the help of my friends, everything just went... Great. It was really tough at first. Felt like the journey to the summit would never end. But when we reach the summit, it was just an awesomely amazing feeling. Like as if all the trainings we did, all the pain all the sweat and everything dissipated into the thin air. Gone, poof.
Almost the same feeling I got when I crossed the finishing line of Standard Chartered Marathon back in December as well. Just... More awesome heh.
I guess in every journey we go, be it somewhere we travel to, somewhere we venture to, somewhere we walk to or so on, always remember to look back and enjoy the view. Look back and tell yourself how far you've come. Ask yourself. Climbing a mountain, reaching a summit, but not looking back is just meaningless. Think back of the journey we've went thus far. I think it's just awesome.
We never know whether we're embarking on a long journey, a great journey, or well simply... A Journey. Lao Tzu said "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step". Every journey has its beginning. We begin with a single step. It may not necessarily begin with a bang, with an inspiration or some great events. Some people embark on a journey to prove themselves wrong, to try something new, to simply just go for it kind of thing. But whatever the case, we all begin a journey.
And I truly believe no journey truly ends. In one way or another it continues. Be it the memories we remember, the lessons we've learnt, the friendship we've made, the experience gained and so many more, these are the things that would continue the journey we've been through. I guess life is the only journey that would truly end. But it may continue, I hope my journey will be continued by other people. Be it from the difference I've made, or the times I've shared.
Life itself is a journey, made up many little journeys. All compiled together as one. I hope to embark in as many journeys as possible. And through these journeys, I hope I can learn, I hope I can gain something from each and every one of it. One by one, I'll strike them off, I'll add them into my life, I'll carry it till the day I die. And well yeah.
But of course, as I grow older, so will my life's to-do list get longer, and so will I run out of time faster. Live life to the fullest! One day we shall all complete our life well and beautifully. An amazing journey we'll see.
Not a dream we always dream of.
Climbing a mountain wasn't in my agenda at all. Well it is an item in my life's to-do list though, but I have no plans of accomplishing it -that- soon. It was kind of funny, like how everything started. It all began with a small poster and two of my friends were asking me to go. At first I declined, and selections were made etc. But there were some people who left the team cause of personal reasons, so my friend called me if I still wanna go. And I simply said yes.
What made me say yes? Well I guess I've always told myself how short life is, and how I should really live my life to the fullest. And I said yes! Plus the trip to Inner Mongolia back in September tells me how much I should go travelling, in fact AMAP. Cause this world is just such a waste to be left undiscovered. It's such a beauty, if you can travel. Please go do.
And the trainings went, and so on and so forth and we reached Kinabalu and began our trek. The 6 hours up the mountain went quickly, and the summit... Well it felt longer, cause I was having AMS (Acute mountain sickness). Kinda felt horrible. But thank you to the help of my friends, everything just went... Great. It was really tough at first. Felt like the journey to the summit would never end. But when we reach the summit, it was just an awesomely amazing feeling. Like as if all the trainings we did, all the pain all the sweat and everything dissipated into the thin air. Gone, poof.
Almost the same feeling I got when I crossed the finishing line of Standard Chartered Marathon back in December as well. Just... More awesome heh.
I guess in every journey we go, be it somewhere we travel to, somewhere we venture to, somewhere we walk to or so on, always remember to look back and enjoy the view. Look back and tell yourself how far you've come. Ask yourself. Climbing a mountain, reaching a summit, but not looking back is just meaningless. Think back of the journey we've went thus far. I think it's just awesome.
We never know whether we're embarking on a long journey, a great journey, or well simply... A Journey. Lao Tzu said "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step". Every journey has its beginning. We begin with a single step. It may not necessarily begin with a bang, with an inspiration or some great events. Some people embark on a journey to prove themselves wrong, to try something new, to simply just go for it kind of thing. But whatever the case, we all begin a journey.
And I truly believe no journey truly ends. In one way or another it continues. Be it the memories we remember, the lessons we've learnt, the friendship we've made, the experience gained and so many more, these are the things that would continue the journey we've been through. I guess life is the only journey that would truly end. But it may continue, I hope my journey will be continued by other people. Be it from the difference I've made, or the times I've shared.
Life itself is a journey, made up many little journeys. All compiled together as one. I hope to embark in as many journeys as possible. And through these journeys, I hope I can learn, I hope I can gain something from each and every one of it. One by one, I'll strike them off, I'll add them into my life, I'll carry it till the day I die. And well yeah.
But of course, as I grow older, so will my life's to-do list get longer, and so will I run out of time faster. Live life to the fullest! One day we shall all complete our life well and beautifully. An amazing journey we'll see.
Not a dream we always dream of.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)