Come back

Hello again, it's been quite long since I wrote here. In fact I've been wanting to. But I was just having a great time overseas for my graduation trip. And of course I enjoyed myself. Forgetting the future, not caring about the past. Enjoying the moment like how we all should be. Now I'm back, and withdrawal syndrome got the better of me. I find it hard to adapt back!

Walking on the streets today feel really different, although I've walked these streets over and over again. I'm sure it's the fact that I am no longer a student here. I told myself that the next time I come back here, things will be different. And indeed it is. It feels so surreal that my school life has come to an end. What's there to come, what's gonna happen, I don't know.

As you can see from the previous posts, I seem to be reluctant about moving on. I always tell myself that it's gonna be tough and so on. Today I was just pondering upon myself. Perhaps it's time for me to come back to myself. To look into myself again. And to tell myself that it is really coming to an end. Life feels different for sure, and telling yourself to stop is sometimes difficult.

Remember the times when we're young (not saying I'm old) and life seems to be something we all always enjoy. Then now, we're all faced with the unknown, and of course, being human, and filled with denial, we tell ourselves... No, we don't wish to stop. But I guess the time is now for me to tell myself that it's all over, and a new life needs to begin.

And no one can live this life but myself.

And it is also perhaps because of myself too.

I think I've filled myself with too many negative emotions that I shouldn't be filling with. I filled myself with fear and I filled myself with loads of unnecessary thoughts. Like the body, you are what you eat. And that you are what you think. What you tell yourself, will be yourself. What you think, will be yourself too. It's a bad habit, but we gotta kick it out.

Sometimes I always wonder where all these negative thoughts come from. It's just there, I don't produce it (I feel), I mean who wants to produce bad thoughts right? But whenever something new happens, whenever we embark on a journey, there is always a moment whereby we think of these negative thoughts we all should not be thinking. And it's hard.

You know, it's like faith. To me faith is going to bed every night, thinking that tomorrow will always come, although we do have the chance that it will not. And just like faith, doubt is there too. Doubt is like going to bed every night, thinking tomorrow may not come, but of course it will come. It is there, something within us that lurk inside us whenever we start something new.

I need to be more positive. I need to stop thinking so much. I need to fill my head more with all these positive thoughts. The past is gone and the future isn't here yet. So let's just hop on the merry-go-round of life and enjoy the present to the fullest!