Finally

Right, tomorrow. Or in fact later, in about 12 hours time, the event I've been waiting for since May will happen. Will take place. I think it's really worth the wait. Worth the excitement I've been keeping to myself. Worth everything. And I'm pretty excited right now. Oh dear I hope I can sleep tonight. I'll really find it difficult I suppose!

But I'm just glad that the day is arriving and the event is going to take place. Really soon. The counting down of the dates. The imageries I have in my head. And finally, it's going to take place tomorrow.

It feels... Joyful and exciting and anticipating all at the same time when we're all waiting for something, we really want to happen quickly, to happen. Tomorrow is just an example in my life. Last year, well being my first time, I was more excited about HfH. Not that I'm not excited for this year one. But... When I told myself I want to make HfH a yearly event for me, that it will be something, a part of every year, well my excitement level is much more contained. So yup. Hair For Hope 2011, I'm coming for you :)

I will write a post about why I join HfH, and why I wanna make it a yearly event for me. But I'm only going to write it after the event tomorrow. I guess....

Writing with a shaved head makes me, puts me in a position, a symbol, of a child with cancer. And I guess a shaved head would allow me to think clearer.

Hair for Hope 2011, I'm coming

:)

When emptiness comes, words shall fill it up.

The empty feeling is here again. I have no idea why it has decided to follow me, and visit me again. Symptoms? Feeling empty, no mood to do things, and.... Pure weird feeling you can't describe in words. But I shall fill it up with words. Words are magical. They appear as normal block letters and then a group of them come together to make a beautiful thing called a story. A story it is.

I'm listening to the song "Kawaranai Mono" by Hanako Oku. It's the OST from the movie the girl who leapt through time, a Japanese movie. It basically means the things that never change. And so which things in life never change? When the only constant in life, is change. It's one of life's intriguing questions. Intriguing.

There are times when I would miss those days I had back in Secondary school. Waking up early in the morning, to bring myself back to school. And taking the same bus route almost everyday (for I would take a taxi if I'm late heh) and experiencing that chill as I listened to my MP3 in that freezing bus. Meeting with my friends, talking with them. If not, reading my book.

But then, I would also tell myself at times of how I wanna move on with life. How I want time to move quickly. To get things over and done with. I used to always think of how life will go on after I've graduated from my secondary school. And now here I am living that life. Certainly time has passed by really quickly. But, certainly. There are times when we could rewind time to visit back those beautiful sweet days we used to have.

I guess we tend to take things for granted. Even though my life motto is something like live the moment, I would also cherish the past. So I guess we all should make our decisions wisely. Time is like throwing a pebble into the air. It will fall back to the ground, and it can't bounce back. But you can always pick that pebble and toss it into the air again. And pick it up.

But in this case, in the scenario, you are memories. Only memories can do it.

The feeling of emptiness is something imperfectly nice. It's unpleasant, of course. But it's also pleasant, for sometimes this emptiness feeling gives you something indescribable and pleasantly nice. It's like... I don't know. Oh well what am I talking about.

I can accept loneliness. It's all about the activity :)

And music, is my best friend.

Exclusive

Let me share you some good music, and its great video.

This is the song Hoppipolla. A song by the famous Icelandic band Sigur Ros. It was funny how I came across this band, and this song. By co-incidence. A friend of mine posted their video of "Goobledigook" on his Facebook wall last year. I clicked it, and listened to some of their songs via Youtube suggestion box. And I told myself. This is a great band.

Then I come across Hoppipolla which I feel is my favourite song from this band. I've been listening to this song for almost everyday since I had the song in my iTunes and iPod. It's in my monthly playlist for like, more than 10 months? I think?

The first time I listened to Hoppipolla, the one word which comes to my mind is. Joy. I feel really happy listening to the song. It's hard to describe in words. It just felt as if there's a connection with me and this song that is made when I first listened to it. There's this something which tells me I'll love this song for a long time. I'll love this song even until I grow up. It's amazing.

I love it when such things happen. When I discover songs that I instantly fall in love with, and keep on falling in love. It is beautiful and a great experience. Just like Sigur Ros, their discovery in me is something co incidence and that something I couldn't predict, or couldn't know. If my friend were to not put the link on his wall, if I were not to click it and open it. Sigur Ros is just an unknown band that I'll never heard of. That's why I feel thankful for him, and for me clicking that link.

I guess it's like life. You can't predict what's gonna happen, what's good gonna happen, what's bad gonna happen. You just live life like a flowing river. Some challenges come, you take it. Some rushes come, you ride it. When the water is slow, you enjoy it. When big rocks appear in front of you, you pass through them.

What's the future? We truly don't know.

But oh well. I feel glad to have known Sigur Ros. Like what my friend said to me today, liking Sigur Ros is being exclusive. Cause not many people here knows Sigur Ros as much as the people in Europe or US. It's like loving something which you truly endears and no one really knows much about it. It's a secret love, a sense of personal connection that appears within you and and the song (or the band).

I'm glad to have loved classical music too. Which not many youths like me hear these days.

Love what you live. Live what you love. Cause there's only someone who can truly enjoy it. And that's you.

Oh well

Sigh, I just finished studying some part for a module called genetic and molecular biology. Oh gosh honestly, I hate genetics, and will never be want to be a genetic scientist. And the ironic thing is that I wanna be a scientist that handles with bacteria and stuff, cause they're interesting. Was reading about DNA replication in eucaryotes and I go booms.

Oh Buddha please bless me and GM bio :/

But reading stuff just now lightens my burden in the ever increasing worry I have for GM bio.

Currently I'm in my hometown, and yes it's been quite a long time since I blogged here. Pretty busy, and I always keep forgetting to blog here event hough I have lots of things to talk about. And well I guess it's too late to write what I wanted to.

Well... It's pretty hard, I've told you here of how much I dread my future. Of the mysteries and wonders I've been thinking of, and the problem I've always think about, to how I want it to be. It's pretty sad and scary to always think of the future. In a way one, I don't know what lies ahead, and two, if -that- is going to be my future, then I will really go feel... I don't know.

It's pretty hard, I always tell myself how selfish we all are in our own different ways. I think I'm selfish, and I think he's selfish, no? But no one can tell really, who knows the future? No one. But no matter what lies ahead, I'm just going to think and live the present like really live it. Pointless to think of the future always, whether it'll turn out right, or wrong. Cause no one knows!

Take life as a chess game. If you keep on thinking whether you'll win or lose this game, then you'll never be focussed on your game right now. Since you're thinking WHETHER you'll win or not, instead of thinking on HOW to win it. If you're always on thinking of your past, lets say you have lost a game. Then the same thing happened. Fear will not let you go anywhere.

So well, I maybe a foolish dreamer, that always remind myself, tell myself, write here and there, of how I just want to focus and live the present. But I'm also a dreamer that hopes for the future. I'm a dreamer that dreams big, that hopes for the better to come. As foolish as I may seem, I will always dare to dream, and never stop dreaming.

So I'm sorry, but I want, and I will graduate with a good diploma in two years time. As for the future?

Who knows :)

Too much

I just want to add something.

I think I'm just thinking too much.

Emptiness

Alright I'm giving myself 15 minutes to blog this post.

Have you ever wondered, or felt this kind of feeling before? This... Empty feeling. Not saying that you're emotionless, AKA not happy, not sad, not stressed, not relaxed. I don't know how to put it in words. It's just empty. That's the only word that can explain it. It feels weird I know, but have you felt that way?

I do, and I always do.

I don't know what causes it, it's just this really empty feeling that I can't describe. For me, the feeling is accompanied by this heart-wrenching feeling. Like a tad feeling of someone pinching your heart, or poking it with needles. It's the same feeling as my after-holiday-trips feeling. Empty. Not that you're moodless to do things or something like that.

I'm going round and round, I've realised.

Nevertheless, I've been back in my hometown for a week now. I'm happy that I've finished quite a lot of things, yes it really sucked to have exams waiting for you ahead of your holiday, and assignments, waiting to be done before the holiday comes to an end. But at the same time, I'm intrigued. Who knows the new system of exams-after-holidays is better?

Which I doubt so.

And of course going back means... Thinking of "those things". Never fail to do so, and I hate it a lot to think about that. But it's inevitable. I guess it is evitable. I just have to do two things. Think positively, and always hope for the best. And these two things are not something that's easily achieved. It's hard you know, sometimes to do things that somehow go against you, or something like that.

I would like to take this holiday to rejuvenate. 7 weeks of poly life in year 2 is not really a smooth and easy path we all take. I'm sure all of us deserve this good holiday to rejuvenate as well. And yes, I deserve it too. But oh well. this holiday to me will be a self-deserving one. I'll be the one that plans how this holiday can happen to allow me to rejuvenate as well.

I've been in constant thought of the future, of what he had told me, of lots of things. I hate thinking of all these things and try my best to get away from them as far, as much, as possible. It's just heartbreaking, and painful both in the physical and mental way. And of course, I will always, as always, tell myself to just live the present to the fullest. And let time take me to the future.

Sometimes people say. You work hard for yourself, and not for others. To my content, it's true. I'll just continue to work hard, for myself. For the sense of my own satisfaction, for the sense of my own accomplishment. It's pointless to think of this and that. I guess life will just take its course naturally. Law of attraction.

I am one selfish bitch. But I can't help it.

C'est la vie, que sera sera. Lets just live the present to the fullest, the future's not for us to see, que sera sera.

Sigh...

12 minutes :)

Sigh

Why must you always tell me that.

I hate it when we're stuck in that conversation about that topic.

I have my own viewpoint which I know you'll find meaningless.

And I know it won't be a waste of time.

It's an experience I will never forget.

Sigh.

Nevertheless, I will always look on the bright side, and be positive always.

Hope for the future, shout it, don't whisper