In life I'm sure we make lots of decisions. Some we make it cause it involves surviving. Deciding what to eat, what to drink, when to sleep. Simple stuff we all know and well and not really a decision, more of a choice perhaps? But of course there will also be times when we have to make decisions that involve, life. These are the ones that determine our future, our life basically. What determines the outcome of the remaining journey of our life. Before we all reach our final destination.
Slowly, one by one, I've been telling my close friends about my decision. Some are not surprised, thankfully. Some are shocked, and some are sad. Some, normal. Well I guess I've been rooting to make this decision. I used to be confused of where to go. But then at the beginning of this year, I knew I have to make -this- decision. And somehow after making this decision, it makes my life feel better. Not only I don't feel confused anymore, but I feel things are... "straight" now.
You know how you feel when you have a plan.
Of course every decision comes with a price. There's nothing perfect in this world as we know it. In some decisions we get the better out of it. But then you realise that the other party, or any other party will not get the better of it. Well that's life I guess, you can't please anyone, everything. But we can always see things differently I suppose? Of course in this decision I've made, I have appeased different parties and so on. But there'll be others, whom I won't be able to.
Disappointments are one of them I guess. Another man's meat is another's poison. Everyone has different expectations of everyone else. Sometimes we do take their expectations but mostly, we don't. After all... This is our lives and we're the one that steer the wheel, set the sail and walk the path. Do take people's considerations of course, don't just throw them to the drains. But not necessarily that we need to adhere to them. We can take them for guidance, you know?
Today the thing slipped out of my tongue to someone... I'm not close with. On my way home I kept thinking, kept telling myself did I make the wrong choice? But then again, eventually everyone will know it right? In one way or another. So yeah that makes me feel better. Well yes I've decided to just tell my close friends. And I tell different people different things. White lies mostly. Cause I just feel it's not the right time for some people to know yet. So to play safe, I don't tell the truths.
I asked a good friend of mine. Did I make the wrong choice to tell people the truth? Especially to someone who sort of expects something from you? And she told me that I shouldn't feel guilty, nor is that a wrong choice. Her words always ring on my head.
"This is your life. And you only live once. It is important that you want to do what you want to do. They are not living your life, so why do you have to feel guilty for?"
Of course I totally agree with her, and she's totally right. There's however one particular person I really hope won't be disappointed by me. I wouldn't say she's someone close to me. But she's someone whom sort of gave me the chance. Who gave me the light back then. I truly sense she kinda expects a lot. And part of me knows she would feel disappointed with my decision, though I remember her telling me to do what I want. And about people who are sorta like me.
But well. Again, part of me know she will understand too.
Oh well this is life. You can't please everybody, and... You don't own anyone a living here. Your life is lived by you and not by anyone else. Let the words of others be roads that guide you along. But you should always choose the road that your heart chose. For I'm sure it will bring you to the road that you will enjoy walking on. A story you'll enjoy reading and reading again.
One life, live it to the fullest. If you don't, then who else will?
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
Pour your heart out
Hello! It's been such a long time since I'm here huh. Well been busy with work, experiments, and so on. So I couldn't blog here. Quite sad, to realise I didn't even blog in my personal blog as often either. But these days, I feel the longing to blog. I need some time, to just pour my feeling out. Be it through music or just simply writing. The good thing is though, I've been writing on my diary, which is good I guess.
Today is day 257 of the year. Was just talking to my friend of how far we've went through till today when we first started our attachment. Day 107 was the day we began. So... Yes, 150 days! And well I really can't wait for the end of year, where I would spend a good time reading through this diary of mine, looking back at the days. I will laugh, I will smile, I will frown trying to remember the day. But I will definitely have a good time looking back at these days.
2012 has been... Challenging so far. I guess what I can tell myself is that well, 2012 will make me a better person, definitely. So far though the days have been quite challenging, this year made me think a lot. And till now I've made decisions and also through these challenges I grow into a stronger and better person. I just still find it shocking at times, how 7 months of this year are taken for attachment alone. Leaving 5 months (which felt so much shorter than 5) behind for non-attachment days.
And so, why am I talking like as if it's the end of year already? -_-
Anyway I really can't wait for attachment to end. In a sense, I know I need a good break and I'm already planning for one. A couple of places in mind, still waiting for my friend to decide though hehe. But I know one place in mind already :) And I think I will most probably go there haha. Just wanna go somewhere and do nothing. Sounds like a perfect plan to me haha. Chill by the beach, relax and enjoy the sun with music in my ears. Oooh the sound of it already makes me feeling fuzzy.
To me... Well currently I'm just, or I think we all, are living life day by day. As the day goes by we live each and another day. A day passes and we move on to the next. To me, I know the end is there. Freedom is there waiting for me. I know the dates, how much weeks we're left and so on. But somehow, they seem so far, and the days never seem to end.
Freedom now, is like eating food when you're having cold. You can taste the flavour of the food. But you can't smell its aroma. Like that I guess. It's like so near, yet so far kind of sentiment. But well, I live in the Buddhist teaching of contemplation of impermanence. I know that everything, good or bad, will come to an end. That's definitely something that will happen so yeah. Slowly but surely, quickly but surely the end will come. I just have to live everyday to the fullest.
Alrighty. I guess that's all for now. I'll see you again soon :)
Today is day 257 of the year. Was just talking to my friend of how far we've went through till today when we first started our attachment. Day 107 was the day we began. So... Yes, 150 days! And well I really can't wait for the end of year, where I would spend a good time reading through this diary of mine, looking back at the days. I will laugh, I will smile, I will frown trying to remember the day. But I will definitely have a good time looking back at these days.
2012 has been... Challenging so far. I guess what I can tell myself is that well, 2012 will make me a better person, definitely. So far though the days have been quite challenging, this year made me think a lot. And till now I've made decisions and also through these challenges I grow into a stronger and better person. I just still find it shocking at times, how 7 months of this year are taken for attachment alone. Leaving 5 months (which felt so much shorter than 5) behind for non-attachment days.
And so, why am I talking like as if it's the end of year already? -_-
Anyway I really can't wait for attachment to end. In a sense, I know I need a good break and I'm already planning for one. A couple of places in mind, still waiting for my friend to decide though hehe. But I know one place in mind already :) And I think I will most probably go there haha. Just wanna go somewhere and do nothing. Sounds like a perfect plan to me haha. Chill by the beach, relax and enjoy the sun with music in my ears. Oooh the sound of it already makes me feeling fuzzy.
To me... Well currently I'm just, or I think we all, are living life day by day. As the day goes by we live each and another day. A day passes and we move on to the next. To me, I know the end is there. Freedom is there waiting for me. I know the dates, how much weeks we're left and so on. But somehow, they seem so far, and the days never seem to end.
Freedom now, is like eating food when you're having cold. You can taste the flavour of the food. But you can't smell its aroma. Like that I guess. It's like so near, yet so far kind of sentiment. But well, I live in the Buddhist teaching of contemplation of impermanence. I know that everything, good or bad, will come to an end. That's definitely something that will happen so yeah. Slowly but surely, quickly but surely the end will come. I just have to live everyday to the fullest.
Alrighty. I guess that's all for now. I'll see you again soon :)
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