If time could give me an answer now

I visited Nikon Bioimaging Centre yesterday, to learn a deeper and meaningful insight in the field of research. Well, honestly. I am blown away by the things that the humble (and pricey) microscope can do. What I saw previously in books, had now been seen by my naked eyes.

And as I was chatting with the fellow people there and my friend. I felt, again, sad.

Going to NBC had totally boosted my interest in research. And to realise that I may not do research at all in the future, it just makes me feel sad. While I am inspired by Biopolis itself, and how I told one of the person that I'm intending to pursue a degree, deep in my heart, I'm drowned in a sea or uncertainty.

What's there to lie? What's there to hide?

Behind that smile I gave to him, lies a unfathomable mystery that lurks inside me. A mystery, so deep I can't even understand it myself. It's my future. The most confusing, difficult and saddening piece of puzzle one could ever possibly try to solve. But then, comes a time which I see this shining light that might solve the puzzle.

That light is hope. It accompanies me in the dark, shelter me from the storm, and bring me to the whichever path I want, and I SHOULD take. But then, comes this darkness that lurk over my hope. This darkness is called my doubts and uncertainties. Where sometimes, it prevents my hope from shining brightly, guiding me to the places I want to go.

Sometimes it's really sad, how much, how many times, I have to try to "lie" to others of the path I am choosing. Deep in my heart, and deep inside me, it's not a lie. It's a wish. A dream of mine that I terribly wish could come true. While others may believe that what I told them is the truth, deep inside me, something just stops me from believing so. But why?

Why can't I just tell myself, don't worry, you will go there.

I will?

That's the question I ask.

But remember. That's not a question. It's an answer.

I WILL!