We Are

I'm currently listening to the recording of the song We Are! (band version) played by the SPSB. Yep, I am playing in the recording as well. I was a player in the concert Musical Delights XXXIV in which the song was recorded during. And it was my first time playing in Esplenade. And somehow, it feels good to listen to a song in which you're involved inside it. You're a player, a musician of that song. It feels wonderful.

As a musician, performing in Esplenade is, and has always been one of my biggest dreams. I have performed there, and to me, 23/1/2011 was one of the happiest days of my life. It was when my concert was held. Even though it was a tiring, hectic and sort of emotional day, it's a day which I will never forget. A day where my dream came true.

And of course, not forgetting those "things" which had happened earlier before the concert, way before. But anyway, I told myself that during the concert, I'm going to put that aside, somewhere far from my heart. I'm going to play like how a musician should play, and that I would really enjoy myself on that day.

And yes I did. I enjoyed myself, and I've put my best shot.

Even though many people don't recognise me in band. Who am I, what's my name, how do I look like, what instrument I'm playing, I'm just here to say: I am very honoured to play with you guys. With these talented and wonderful musicians whom share a same passion as mine. We all played together, well, and impressed the audience. Most importantly, we had fun, we had one of the best times of our lives :)

It's been a week since the concert. I'm sort of missing it. The moments I had as I performed on that grand stage of the Esplenade concert hall. The practices, which ended late, the times I had when I walked to the bus stop with my friend. And not to forget, the days I used to have counting down to the concert. I remember I've counted down from 2 months before, 1 month, and finally, 1 day.

Realising my dream, finding where my passion lays, is one of the happiest things in life. In my heart, in my mind, I just hope that this can continue. I really love performing as a musician, impressing the audiences, playing along with other musicians in a wonderful concert.

Next stop? I want to play a solo there. I want to conduct a band/symphony there. It's not far from my grasp, I know. It's there. I'll just have to wait, and work.

We are a great bunch of musicians.

But I do hope that the situation, gets better and better.

Yep. It will

Cerf-volant (Kite) from Les Choristes

Cerf-volant
Volant au vent
Ne t'arrête pas
Vers la mer
Haut dans les airs
Un enfant te voit
Voyage insolent
Troubles enivrants
Amours innocentes
Suivent ta voie
Suivent ta voie
En volant

Cerf-volant
Volant au vent
Ne t'arrête pas
Vers la mer
Haut dans les airs
Un enfant te voit
Et dans la tourmente
Tes ailes triomphantes
N'oublie pas de revenir
Vers moi

Let me try translating this, with the help of Google translate and my little bit of French :)

Kite, flying in the wind.

Not stopping, flying to the ocean

Upwards, on the air, seen by a child.

Travelling insolently, an intoxicating journey

An innocent love, following your way

And fly

Kite, flying in the wind

Not stopping, flying towards the ocean

Upwards, on the air, seen by a child

As you're caught in the storm

But your wings, triumphantly spreading

Don't forget, to come back

To me :)

Once upon a dream

Once upon a dream

I see myself in a place

I want to be, I'd love to be

Being free for eternity

Once upon a dream

I see joy in people's eyes

As they savour the freedom they have

Like those birds flying in the skies

Once upon a dream

I see a man that stood tall

Strong willed, with a big heart

Nothing could make him fall

Once upon a dream

I see myself on that green field

Running away from the reality

And savour the freedom for eternity

As freedom is as free as the wind

Today was a wonderful day. It's one of those days where I felt so free once more. Like once when I went to East Coast Park with my friends and not knowing where to go. And once more when I went to Sweden and Norway. But this time round, I felt it here, right in my hometown.

I was helping one of the garden's worker, plucking out peanuts from their plants. It seems to be an ordinary job. But imagine doing it under the evening sky, with the sky painted in the cooling colours of the dusk. And the whispering wind blowing through your face. It was really... Comforting, and free.

Then as I washed the soil off my hands, I just stared onto the distance in front of me. And the sky was bluish in colour. The clouds. With streaks of golden rays passing through it. And it was just peaceful. With the sounds of the crickets and frogs heard from beneath the grasses, it was just so comforting to the ears, and to the heart.

Seriously, who doesn't mind living like that?

Where Has My Childhood Gone To?

Where has my childhood gone to?
It has gone to a place in my heart
Where I shall go to escape from life
When it gets tough, and hard
To savour the sweet days I once had

Where has my childhood gone to?
It has gone to my memory
Where I shall keep it till eternity
Where I will treasure each and every
bits of fragments of those days dearly

Where has my childhood gone to?
It has gone with time
Together with me, wherever I go to
Those days were as prime, as sublime
as the most priceless piece of gem you’ll ever find

Where has my childhood gone to?
It may be lost forever, for time had passed
I may not return back to those days
But I can always escape and return through my memory,
To the once sweet and innocent time.

Of my childhood days.

Why?

Firstly I'm pretty much sad right now. I'm just sad, after hearing what he said. In fact, I've always felt sad every time. Sometimes I always ask myself. Why me? Why am I born to lead this life. Why can't I be another person, a much more free person.

Every time I go back to my hometown, for a so called "vacation", I can't help but think of so many stupid things which make me can't enjoy my holiday. I don't even call this a holiday.

I have to think of my future, of the two of them, of my family, of this and that, that and this. You call this a holiday? I want to go for a holiday. A holiday where I can enjoy it. I can forget about life, and I don't have to worry about them. But sometimes going back just make me feel even more stressed. With lots of things to think of. Stupid, redundant things.

You might want to say that I'm thinking too much, and too far. I'm thinking of outrageous things, which I don't even have to think about. But tell me, when these things happened over and over and over again, you can't help but to think isn't it? Think about it all the time.

Why, WHY.

Why must you always think of people in the eyes of yours, why can't you just accept them the way they are. Why must you expect them to behave, to think, to act, the way you want them to. I don't understand why.

EVERY EFFING night, I would pray, I would pray that the above will lead me, and the rest of my family to the right path. And I'm serious about this. Sometimes those little things you think of, or you don't like of, whenever I think about it, I'm AFRAID. I'm fearful. I love you both, I really do. And I always hate it when there's something you don't like, and the two of you either gets into a fight or a cold war.

Every time I go back, I have to think of all these. And if I don't go back, I'm sure you won't like it. But how? Why can't I just have a proper holiday, A PROPER holiday. A holiday where I can relax after a few months of schooling. I should relax, but sometimes thinking of all these would make me feel like... Horrible. Really horrible.

I'm not relaxed at all, I want to go and enjoy my holiday. Why can't I?

I always ask myself, why do I have to lead this life. Why am I born on that day, on that time, to be who I am now? Sometimes I just feel like I should go away from this world. Then these problems will be over, forever.

But then I think again. If I were to go away that easily, this 17 effing years of my life will go to a waste.

Sometimes, I just desire an answer. Why? And so far, no one could answer me. And please, I really really do hope that the two of you will get better. Please, I don't want any fights, or just a small argument. It just terrifies me. It frightens me. You know how much they do to me? I really love both of you. I really do...

Sigh... Why, why why why....

Dear #

Dear #

Sometimes I just want to tell you, could you allow me to be who I am in front of my eyes, and not be someone from the vision of your eyes?

Can you let time decide who I will become, and not predict what I will become in the future because you believe so?

And perhaps, realise that this is not what I want.

Why can't you let me choose my own path, do my own things, be myself, and not who you want me to be?

And don't ever say that whatever I have learnt, is meaningless.

Thanks

Yours truly

Me