Difference

Today I went for a reunion with my primary school friends. Only to realise how much we have all grown up now. We are not who we were. We are who we are now.

And well I felt a sense of awkwardness just now. And a bit of ignored. But well I guess I can't blame it on them to just simply talk to me. I felt this "distance" between us. They were a clique, I was not. It felt like I'm not a part of them. Even though we were once in the same class.

Even though we were once playing and laughing together.

Perhaps it's the difference of cultures we lived in. Or the different ways we were being brought up. Ultimately, the difference in place we spent this eight years up. I am in Singapore, they are here. So ultimately the way they live their lives are different.

I can't totally blame them.

I guess I'll just have to accept the fact that this is the disadvantage of being a foreign student. To emphasise. being a foreign student since young but anyway. I gotta live with it. No choice fretting over it abd blaming one another, including myself.

I just hope that we can still meet up in the future and that we can still contact together. I don't want to put our relationship at stake so yeah.

I'll just hope.

Freedom

Today, I watched "The Best Job In The World" on Natgeo travel channel. It was a fantastic show about how this guy (Ben) got the so called best job in the world as a caretaker of the great barrier reef. All he had to do was to stay on a resort and blog about the barrier reef for a period of time. Well I didn't know all the details but that's about it.

I would really really love to do that too. I can't imagine the feeling of freedom that I will have as I do this job. And the fact that I really love blogging, it's realy awesome isn't it.

And I just think for a moment. And I think, living a life without seeing the world is one of the biggest regret that one could have. I also wish that before I die, I want to let my eyes see the sights of the world, my ears to hear the voice of the world, and myself to be immersed in the culture of other countries.

It's really wonderful, the world that is. And it would be such a waste if one (if given the chance) doesn't see and feel it.

And I believe, everyone has the chance and the opportunity to see the world. Perhaps it's their fate and willingness to do so.

Ciao

Dear life

Sometimes I wonder. What's life without a life that is not yours? Imagine living a life you're assigned to. This is what you do, this is how you do it, no matter what happen you have to do it, no matter what happen you have to carry on living. Sounds good for you? Well not for me.

I wonder what's life without freedom? Imagine being confined in a box in which you can't leave. Doing all the things you want to do, but yet you can't do it. You want to break free from your misery but you can't. In face you will have more misery.

I want a life that is mine. I want to live my own life. I want to do things that I want to do. Yeah, who doesn't? Who doesn't. The question lies in how you are going to live your life of this all-you-want-to-do life.

Sometimes you find obstacles blocking you. In my case, I have many. My heart is one, someone is one, and more. And I just simply wonder, why can't I just live a life that I want to live? Yeah sure, you'll say you can live a life you want to live. Yeah sure.

I saw on TV, we have to live a life. Life stands for, Living In Freedom Everyday. How I wish I could put that into my life. No, I'm not saying I won't get it. I'll just have to wait.

Dear you

Dear you

Hello there. How are you doing? I'm sure you've been great from all these times. I'm sure you do.

I just wanna ask you. Don't you know that everybody loves you?

When you don't realise it, you simply don't feel it.

But I just wanna tell you, everyone loves you!

And maybe, am I one of them? Nobody knows.

Thank you :)

Dilemma

You know it well, that music has been a passion of mine since I was a young kid. I love music, I love listening to music, I love playing music, especially classical music. I would say that I am weird, because when other boys love rock/pop, I have a different liking to classical music.

But it is your difference that makes you a different and unique person.

So well I am now caught in a dilemma, whether to let or don't let go my band life as I enter my polytechnic life. It is truly a different way and outcome I have because I have always think that I will join band in polytechnic, even after I have left my secondary school. I did not imagine that I am thinking of this solution. Of this other option of leaving band.

And I totally don't understand why I made this option. Firstly, my main reason to whether I should not join band is because of my fear of not abling to cope with my studies. Well Biomedical is not something easy as I have heard. So that's my main concern.

Another concern is my talent and skill. Even though I can play the clarinet and/or the flute, I fear that I will be one of the lousiest player in the band. Well this is what makes me wonder the most. Why do I have this feeling when my main purpose of joining the band is to enjoy music? To pursue my passion and dream? Why do I even have to feel inferior to others?

I guess the word to describe this is politics.

Oh well I'm in a dilemma for these few days and it's kind of screwing my mood. I'm thinking and thinking and thinking to the solution of this dilemma. And hope that one day I will find the solution to this dilemma. I hope I can get a solid answer from myself.

Anyway this is my first post with my own laptop in this blog. Okay that was random. See ya.

Music is a huge part of my life. I have to think this with a huge amount of consideration.

Paranoia

Sometimes, well, I'm sure everyone here hates the above tittle. It basically means the feeling of fear that something is gonna happen, without having a concrete proof that it will happen. Well what can you do, sometimes this just go to you. Bang. Paranoid.

Well, I'm such kind of person. Sometimes it just comes to me like in a sudden. And yes I terribly hate this feeling. And sometimes this feeling can go so strongly that it just "takes over" me. I'm learning to cope, and trying to get over with it.

Hopefully writing will help me to get over with it.

Well I can't blame myself or anyone else. I've been having this since I'm quite young. The fear. But well, hopefully I can get over with it, and just let it go.

So well, I pray, and I hope, that this feeling will go away quickly, forever.

And the only way, is to keep believing.

As one saying goes, run towards your fear, and embrace it.

So, let's run!

The rain - Short poem

Right, so I thought the sky was about to cry.

But now it gives me a smile.

I don't know whether I should be happy

Or I should just simply heave a sigh

For what I wish for, didn't come by.

The blistering weather, hot and boilling

Like a melting pot of iron, bubbling with vigor

My sweat beads, flowing like a river

With the sweltering heat wave, I plead

For the weather to cool down happily

Where's my breeze, where's my blue sky

With that lovely wind, and birds that fly

The bliss I seek, the heaven and paradise.

Where are everything, that always seems nice?

Well, I'm waiting.

PS: It's really hot here