Me

I am a leaf,
floating in the air.
I float aimlessly,
to a land of nowhere.

I am a dandelion,
in a flight of fantasy.
I am seeking freedom and peace,
till eternity.

I am a feather,
carred by the wind.
I brave the weather,
seeking for a place I want to be in.

I am a bird,
soaring in the sky.
I look at the world with my own eyes.
Tasting freedom within my breath.

But now I am just an ordinary man.
Who wants to savour the taste of freedom.
And I always wonder, when would I be free,
of the chains that are holding me.

Weeeee

Sunshine - Chapter 3

Ask yourself this question. What if you live a life you don't want to live. What is the point of living if you don't even live a life that's yours? A life that you want it to be. What is the point to continue living if you know the future is not yours.

I'm in such situation. Yes I am. Surprised? Well yeah. Sometimes I just wonder how lucky poor children are. They dream. They want to achieve something. And they work towards it. How about me? I dream, yes I do. But if I know what my future is what's the point of dreaming. And by the way, the future that I know isn't something that I want.

I want to change my future. I want to live a life that I want to live in. I want my future, a future so beautiful that only I can make it happen. Yes. Only Me. I'm the only one that could make it happen. Not anyone else. Just me.

But will I? Can I? I lived my teen life thinking of these things that many ordinary teens wouldn't think of. Or perhaps some do, in a more positive way. How about me? I am confused. I am trapped on a winding road. So complicated you'll never get out of here. You will, but it's going to take you a very very long time.

I am just utterly confused, and terrified. My future is so uncertain. And I don't know what's going to happen. Somehow it's ironic when you hope for the better, but you fear for the worst.

I just hope things will change for the better.

Will it, though?

Sunshine - Chapter 2

It's my story. I don't know though but well, I guess that's life. Life to me is a story. The different thing is that in life, there are different spots for climax to happen, whereas in story books, there are only usually one to three climaxes. So far I've only read a book with one climax, somehow.

To me life is an irony. What's right is wrong, and vice versa. Well not everything goes like this, sometimes what's right is right and what's wrong is wrong. I mean, when you eat 1 litre of potassium chloride, you'll die from poisoning right? So that's right. Alright I'm just digressing.

To my my future is what worries me. I put it in this way. "It is the uncertainty of the future that worries me the most. But I still have a choice, don't I?". Yeah it's all about choice. What you want to be, where you want to be, why you want to be and how. How. That's is the most important question, especially in my case, where the reality somehow blocks me from answering that question.

Sometimes I ask myself. Why can't I live like ordinary teens? Then one of my friend answered me. "You can't expect yourself to simply be someone ordinary like others, you know". Quite true. First of all, I don't think no one can define "ordinary teens". So ordinary teens... Are they teens who just study and go on with their life, or teens who hve plans ready for the future or teens who simply don't know what to do.

Now it's my turn to ask you. If you have two choices, one is that you have to live a future that is already set but you hate it. Another is that, a future which you want to live but you feel uncertain about. Me? I'll choose the second one.

The question is, can I?

Sunshine - Chapter 1

You know the feeling right. I know you do. It's like when you feel like you're a bird with your wings snapped. Or maybe a horse with only two legs. No, make it one, you can still run with two. Or maybe a fish without its fins, lying dead on the ocean's floor.

I know you know this feeling. Yes, it's like you're being trapped. Nowhere to go, Wham. Like the judge just says you're guilty and that you're going to receive a death sentence.

Or have you ever feel this feeling where you've got no choice, nowhere to run. Like a prisoner stuck in his cell forever. Or maybe a dog chained forever, he just couldn't run! Even for a few meters. Or maybe when you got stuck in a labyrinth. I don't know. I think I'm, too, stuck in the labyrinth of reality. I just can't get out of it, can I?

This is a story of mine. How I wish I could call it "unreal". Like I just simply say "Oh yeah this is just an illusion, nothing else matters". No, this is not an illusion. It's reality. I wouldn't call myself an escapist either. I wish I could escape from this reality. Yeah I wish. But wouldn't that call me a coward? Yes to some people, no for me.

Oh dude come on, you don't know what I'm facing. It's even tougher than any Mathematical sum I've ever attempted. I mean it's just so goddamn tough! I know if you were me, you'll just run like a coward.

No, escaping reality is not a cowardly act. Sometimes it can even be a courageous one. Like if you can, I shall salute you. Wait I'm talking with a condition. You run away for good, for something you deserve for. If you escape from reality, and simply escape because you want to. Then you're nothing but a pathetic coward.

So the question is, am I a coward?

The blue sky
so wide and endless.
As times go by
I wonder when I'll see the world.

Home

Amidst the chaos and dilemmas, he put a brave soul, wanting to speak up the truth, but not having the courage. He has been living in a labyrinth for almost 3 years now, whenever he wanted to make a turn, something will either block him, or he'll fear of making the wrong turn. What's wrong with him? Where's his courage? No one knows. The answer lies in his own heart. And the key to his heart is only within himself. Nothing else, no one else, can open his heart.

He dream a thousand of impossible dreams, being hopeful that they will come true. There were times he felt down and disappointed, there were times he fell inspired by many things surrounding him. He's confused, feeling tumultuous, not knowing where to go, not knowing what to do. There's only one thing in his mind. Two choices, that he may have to choose not by asking anyone else but himself.

Home is where one should belong. But he feel confused, whether this term goes the same to him. One thing for sure, he wants to know the answer and the key to his future. Where he shall go next, I wonder...