I just got back from my band Korea exchange trip and my Inner Mongolia trip (last week). They are both awesome, I should be blogging about them now and tell you how I feel. But I can't help but to blog about other things just to comfort myself, about how I'm feeling now.
In life we're always asked to question, why? Why does the bird sing, why is the sky blue, why is the song so awesome, why do people cry, why do babies smile, why is life so tough, why is the truth more horrible than lies, why am I like this.
Why am I here.
We always question. Be it question about life, or about reality itself. Sometimes I ask myself, why am I here, born to be who I am, living to be who I am. Why is my destiny like this, why did I go here and there, why did I eat this and that. Why am I studying this, why am I doing that.
Sometimes it comes to me wondering why am I living a life like this. Why can't I live the life of others? Some call it destiny or fate. Some say karma. I'm not sure what it is. I just question why.
Sometimes in life we ask for more, we ask why can't we have a better life than them. And there are times, where I would ask for the worst. Like sometimes I wish I was a poor kid on the street. Or perhaps a young man living in a village beside a sea. Or just a common, normal guy living a simple normal life. Sometimes I wish I were my friend, living his or her life and not mine.
Yet people always say of how much we should be grateful about our being. About our belonging to this earth. About having what we have. While I complain about life, there's someone, somewhere out there who is suffering more than me. But no matter what and when, I always remind myself of how ardous the journey of life can be, and how we should always fight back and continue fighting, and brave the journey.
The uncertainties of life is what trouble me. Is what keeping me wondering to why and how my life will be. I've told you many times of how much I hate thinking of the future. How much I despise it. Not that I don't want my future to come. I just don't know what to do when it does. Not that I'm not prepared, I'm just lost to how it will go, and why it will go.
It's kind of sad, how I live a life with joy and smile in front of others. When deep inside a great problem is fighting with me. When deep inside, I'm struggling down with something.I feel really horrible when I always think of the future. When others are happy and anticipating of the future, here am I dreading it.
Sometimes I just don't know what to do. I feel really clueless and helpless thinking of the future. It's really tough, in one hand it's me, in one hand it's them. Sometimes thinking about them already makes me feel like crying, when I hear stories, when I think of things.
Sometimes it's true what they say about how money is the root to all evil. The more money we have, the more problems we have.
I love simplicity. Why do we make things complicated? Why can't I have a simple life with a simple job? I don't mind being a farmer in the countryside. A simple man, leading a simple life.
Why?
